Beta Today!

Dare I say peeing on a stick each morning has become rather thrilling? It's like our daily scorecard right now. And we went digital today...



Now there's no misreading that one! (Follow the arrows if you're not seeing it.)

And of course we did the normal two-liner to see how we compared to days 1 and 2. Getting darker!!! Right, right?!

So my 1st beta is TODAY! We are getting there super early so I can get a call-back early. Hopefully I will know something by lunchtime... we'll see!

If you stand on your head and squint your eyes...

...can you see what I see?!

We've actually been testing since Sunday, per my sweet husband's prodding. I told him this was useless so early, but whatever. We still had like six of the cheapo tests. Nothing, nothing, nothing. And then yesterday morning, after seeing nothing, I thought I saw the faintest hint of a 2nd line when I was later throwing away the test. I mean, anyone less neurotic would not have seen it. And I convinced myself that it meant nothing. I was feeling crappy yesterday and starting to spot. I was beginning to think this indeed was another bust.

But this morning we clearly got two positives - one on el cheapo test and one on First Response. You can definitely see the 2nd lines here in the pic but it's more clear in person - I promise. I keep looking at them to make sure I'm not hallucinating. I think I asked the hub, "do you see them?" like 50 times.

Ahhh... still in total shock right now I think. I absolutely detest taking HPT's, so to see two lines this morning was pretty unreal. It's been two years since we've seen a positive. Even with our last chemical pregnancy on the 1st IVF round, we were never able to get a positive on a home test. So this is definitely progress! Of course it's early, anything can happen, yada yada yada... we know that all too well. But this is a step in the right direction and we will celebrate every step! Thanks again for all the prayers and encouragement along the way.

And yeah, I promise I'll get the pics and video, etc from the transfer up at some point. As many of y'all know, blogger was a mess last week and I just haven't gotten around to it this week yet. Hopefully tonight!

Precious Babes

The transfer went perfectly! My lining looked beautiful and so did our TWO sweet embryos!




Over the last couple of days I was hoping Dr. T would be comfortable putting two in (vs. 1) - it just felt like the way to go. And sure enough, he was all about it. More video and pics to come, but for now I'm going to take it easy and concentrate on baking these sweet little buns.

Once again, thanks so much for all the love and prayers!

FET Video Diary: Transfer Day

We thought we'd be able to film inside the transfer room - Dr. T was cool with it - but, the facility itself has strict regulations against it, so no dice. But we were allowed to get a few pics in there! And we did get some footage before and after...

Everything went smoothly aside from the fact that my bladder was about to BURST! The nurse actually let me pee a *little* bit because I was overly full. There was a "difficult transfer" ahead of us that backed our time up a bit. Any other appointment, no biggie. But when you've got to maintain a full bladder, well... NOT fun! But of course we made it through fine. All is good!

Here are a couple of pics of the ultrasound screen...

The reason for the full bladder is that it allows them to differentiate between the bladder and uterus on screen so the doctor can direct the catheter (carrying the embryos) to the money spot. This isn't the greatest pic, but this is an actual screen shot from the ultrasound where you can see the embryos going in! The bright white spot the arrow is pointing to is the fluid containing the embryos, so we get to watch it as they go in. How COOL is that?!

And here's a look back into the lab. This is where all our sweet babes are sleepin' on ice! That's actually Graham back there, not Peter. Peter was sick the day of our transfer. He was in the lab, but was staying away from patients. Aw, we missed you Peter! But Graham was very cool too. All the embryologists have excellent accents.




The lab is literally right next to the transfer room. When we first get into the transfer room and set up on the exam table, the embryologist comes in and shows us our embryos on screen and tells about their quality, etc. Then he loads the catheter in the lab and brings it out as soon as Dr. T gives him the go-ahead. The lights are off (which is why all our pics are so dark) so the little babes aren't disturbed. Once Dr. T transfers the embryos, he gives the catheter back to the embryologist to verify that no embryos were left in the catheter. All clear! And it's done.

And that, my friends, is where the magic happens.

FET Video Diary: Progesterone, Take 2

Holy CRAP, my right butt cheek hurts. The first shot was rather easy peasy, aside from the soreness and insomnia that followed. But this second attempt got that muscle good. Dear me. I had to brighten up this video during editing, so that's why my 'puter screen looks like something out of Tron. So yeah, excuse the quality but it's indeed light years better than the mess I left you with yesterday. You can actually SEE something this time!





Oh and a question for you PIO pros... could the hub be shoving the needle in faster? Looks like he's going in total slow-mo to me. I totally jab my itty needles in hard and fast. Should we do the same with these? Or would that hurt like hell? I'm taking any pointers I can get, so bring it.


Also while messing around on You Tube I found an old video of our beloved embryologist. OMG I'm so glad y'all get to hear his accent. Just listening to it gets me so jazzed up for Wednesday! You can't understand half of what he says, but that's part of his charm. Take good care of our babies, Peter! *Eets gude!* We'll see you in a few days...





Up Next: TRANSFER DAY! Don't have an exact time yet, but it'll be Wednesday! I'll be taking the whole day off and my schedule will be transfer-acupuncture-couch.

Previous: PIO Shot #1, CD16

FET Video Diary: Progesterone

Disclaimer: This is possibly the worst quality video ever taken. The angle is bad, the lighting is horrible, my hand is covering up half the screen, and you can't really see what's going on. Valuable footage, huh? Well let's just say it was about 9:45pm when we got around to doing this first PIO shot and we were both exhausted and not in the mood to be on camera. So I just consider this REAL reality TV, friends. So it is what it is - and more than anything, I just wanted to document this first one since I've been a little freaked out about it ever since those big ass needles arrived in the mail weeks ago. I think we'll film the next one as well to see if we can get a better angle on my bum... without showing my entire bum to the world!

So yes, just a recap here... today's CD16 and this is the first of (hopefully) many PIO shots that I will have to do nightly. Just as it's called, it is progesterone literally in an oil. So my question is, if 1mL of oil is being injected directly into my butt, do I need to log those calories in?! I mean, for real. I am literally injecting fat into my butt. Because we certainly need more of that! I will continue these injections on past the transfer on Wednesday and if pregnant, I think I may have to do them for the entire first trimester... not sure. One step at a time here!

The shot itself was not bad at all. I rubbed some Lidocaine cream on my bum beforehand and I think that definitely helped. I could tell it was working because after flossing my teeth later, I realized I must not have gotten all the cream off my fingers. I suddenly felt like I was at the dentist... the left side of my mouth was going numb. Well, glad to know it works!





Today I also started the two oral meds I mentioned earlier - Medrol and Doxycycline. I'm still on 2mg of Estrace three time a day (1 orally, 2 vaginally). And I'm still on Lupron right up until the transfer. Post-transfer I will just be on the progesterone and Estrace (estrogen). Oh and baby aspirin - I take one of those daily as well. Not to mention my other million herbs and pre-natal vitamins. I am a pill poppin' fool.

Next Up: Like I said, we'll try to get a better video of the PIO shots, but the next big step is the TRANSFER! Only 4 more days - wow!

Previous: Lining Check, CD12

FET Video Diary: Lining Check

This morning we had my one and only ultrasound for this cycle... this is one of the main things that is WAY easier about a frozen cycle versus a fresh one. With a fresh cycle, you have DAILY monitoring appointments with your favorite vaginal wand because they're monitoring the growth of your follicles. With an FET cycle, they're simply checking the lining of the uterus to make sure it's plump enough to move forward. Ideally, they like to see the lining get to 8mm before starting the progesterone shots. Well, today mine measured at 7.5!!! A total victory in our eyes, as mine has never made it past 6.9 on ultrasound before. So we are really, really thrilled with that result. And the good news is, I still have a few days to grow before starting the progesterone on Friday. Once you start that med, the lining kinda levels off.

We were able to get some quick shots of the ultrasound screen, but for whatever reason, those pieces of film were NOT cooperating when we tried uploading them. I finally gave up after multiple attempts. But at least we got SOME video of today. And pardon my I-just-rolled-out-of-bed look here. I promise I showered.




Next Up: We start progesterone and a couple of other oral meds on Friday! Eeks! Stay tuned for a video of the first shot...

Previous: Endometrial Biopsy, CD 24

FET Update on Good Friday!

Ahhh... I've been away from the computer for three whole days. I didn't even log in to online banking for like a 48 hour period - that's got to be a personal record. My mom and I took a girls' trip over to Birmingham this week as a post-tax-season getaway. We had a fabulous time! We stayed at a great B&B right in town (the ONLY one in town, actually) and had a fun couple of days exploring the city. Our best discovery while there? This amazing spice store - Penzey's! I had never heard of it before. We were in there over an hour sniffing away and loading our baskets. Why Atlanta doesn't have one of these, I don't know - but one of the ladies there who helped us said they're looking for a spot in Atlanta! Oh, yes, please come!!!

I also left my Moo Goo diet behind as soon as we crossed the state line. I seriously ate more bread in the last three days than I have in the last six months. No for real - that is not an exaggeration. I ate ridiculous amounts of gluten and dairy-full goodness. But vacation's over and I'm going to be good now! I've got to get my oven bake-ready, so I'm really going to be good. After one final hoorah last night over margaritas with the hub, I'm going to stick to my guns going forward.

So yesterday was officially FET cycle day #1 (hence my need to get back on the wagon)! I called my nurse while on the road back to Atlanta. They sent me my protocol info for all my meds. And our transfer is scheduled for Wednesday, May 11th!!! Wow, less than three weeks now. I stay on Lupron right up until the transfer, but they cut my dose back to 5 units (was on 10 units). So I did my first dose of 5 units this morning. I also start the Estrace (estrogen) today. The dosage will go up little by little, but right now I'm doing 1mg by mouth in the morning, and 2mg vaginally at night. Yep, that's just as fun as it sounds - but nothing I'm not used to.

My ultrasound to check my lining will be Monday, May 2nd. We're really praying for some fabulous lining here! I know I will be a bit anxious that morning to see how I measure up, as this has always been a weak area for me. And then the progesterone shots with the big-ass needles should begin later that week. Exciting stuff!

The only thing not-so-exciting about all this is the extra fluff around my belly. I've already gained 5lbs (and I'm sure my calorie fest over the last couple of days will only help matters!) and now that I'm starting the Estrace, I'll really start puffing up. So yeah, I've totally been hiding under "blousy" tops lately. Which is tough considering 75% of my spring and summer wardrobe is made up of form-fitting tanks. So basically I keep rotating the same three boring outfits. Whatever... it's all worth it!

I hope you all have an excellent GOOD FRIDAY! We'll be at Gwinnett Church tonight for the church's first official service! Super exciting... we had a gathering last night with all the volunteers for this weekend. Had to be over 200 people there! We're all looking forward to seeing how many people come this weekend. We just have no idea! There are about 1,100 seats set up with room for more. The hub thinks there will be standing room only - I hope he's right! So excited to be a part of this church from the very beginning. And while I'd love to sport a cute Lilly dress for Easter Sunday, I have to admit I'm glad to hide my FET belly behind this T-shirt...



Locals... click below for info on services for this weekend! It's going to be incredible, so come join us!

FET Video Diary: Rough It Up

Today's video might make you nauseous since the bulk of it was filmed in the car. So there's your warning. We had my "roughin' up" procedure today with the doctor and I'd be lyin' if I said it was pleasant. Thankfully, it was rather quick, but I nearly passed out when the nurse unveiled all the test tubes and tools on the tray for the doctor. It looked like they'd be camping out in my uterus for a good six months with all those gadgets.

So there's no putting a bow on it... this morning sucked. You can see my mood go from fairly cheerful (at least for that early), to nervous, to upset, to doing-my-best-to-crack-a-smile. And no, I'm not rubbing my boob while on the exam table. Though it sure looks like it. Not sure what the hell I was doing. All I know is that as soon as the doctor left the room, I broke out in tears. And I am not a cryer! I'm blaming the drugs.

It's definitely been one of those "why the hell do I have to do all this" kind of days. No worries though... I'll be fine. I just have these days sometimes. We'll find better perspective tomorrow. For now, I think I'll just wallow a little bit. With some cookie cake. Oh wait - already did that... two slices today. Sorry, moo goo.





Next up: Yeah, I don't know. My ultrasound most likely. They'll be doing mine a little earlier than most to get a head start on monitoring my lining.

Previous: First dose of Lupron, CD 21

FET Video Diary: Lupron

Just for kicks, the hub and I thought it'd be fun to log this whole FET (frozen embryo transfer) process on video. You know, kinda like how couples try to spice things up with a sex tape. Hopefully you'll find it informational or maybe entertaining at best, but really we plan to force our kids to watch these videos when we throw them in timeout.

So today is the official kick-off! Cycle Day 21. I started my Lupron injections this morning and will continue those until Dr. T tells me to stop. Aside from a quick procedure next week, my next instructions are to call the nurse when I start my next period.

Drug Info: Leuprolide Acetate Injection
Dosage: 0.1 cc (10 units) every morning




Next up: early Wednesday a.m. appointment with Dr. T

That's right... while you're enjoying your morning coffee, I'll be in stirrups having my uterine lining roughed up. Stay tuned!

I just haven't met you yet.

I know this song is about finding love, but it speaks to a different kind of love for me. Every time I hear this song I tear up a little thinking of all our babes on ice waiting for us. After all the struggles, all the waiting, I know it will be so amazing... but for now, I just have to keep fighting for you.

I Just Haven't Met You Yet

Michael Buble

I'm not surprised

Not everything lasts

I've broken my heart so many times

I stopped keeping track

Talk myself in

I talk myself out

I get all worked up

then I let myself down

I tried so very hard not to lose it

I came up with a million excuses

I thought I thought of every possibility

And I know someday that it'll all turn out

You'll make me work so we can work to work it out

And I promise you, kid, that I'll give so much more than I get

I just haven't met you yet

I might have to wait

I'll never give up

I guess it's half timing

and the other half's luck

Wherever you are

Whenever it's right

You'll come out of nowhere

and into my life

And I know that we can be so amazing

And, baby, your love is gonna change me

And now I can see every possibility

But somehow I know that it'll all turn out

And you'll make me work so we can work to work it out

And I promise you, kid, I'll give so much more than I get

I just haven't met you yet

They say all's fair

in love and war

But I won't need to fight it

we'll get it right

and we'll be united

And I know that we can be so amazing

And being in your life is gonna change me

And now I can see every single possibility

And someday I know it'll all turn out

I'll work to work it out

Promise you, kid, I'll give more than I get

You know it'll all turn out

And you'll make me work so we can work to work it out

And I promise you, kid, to give so much more than I get

I just haven't met you yet

I promise you, kid, to give so much more than I get

I just haven't met you yet

I just haven't met you yet.

That's a wrap.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving weekend! We sure did. We drove up to Knoxville to visit with the hub's family for a couple of days. A great weekend filled with food and family! We got back mid-day yesterday and I haven't left the house since! I've been in PJ pants from minute #1, getting the rest of our Christmas decorations up (inside anyway) and now I'm making a mess of it getting all the gifts wrapped...


I'm really hoping I can get it all done today so I can truly have it all marked off my to-do list before December arrives on Wednesday. I got a good chunk of our Christmas cards signed and addressed while on the road this weekend, but still have a ways to go with those. Otherwise, I'm ready for you, Christmas!

So in other news, you may've already caught my tweets from earlier this week, but it looks like this first IVF cycle is a bust. We tested Wednesday night, and then like a million times more over the weekend, and all were negative. I realize it's still "early" - and yes, my blood test is still on for tomorrow a.m. and anything's possible - but I'm pretty darn sure we have our answer here. It was definitely a bummer... it's just hard to go through all of that intensity and come out empty-handed. Or empty uterus, I guess. I suppose dot didn't find it so homey there and left the building. Sorry, dot... we tried! But the good thing is, we are NOT empty-handed here. We have at least 14 frozens waiting for us, which we are so grateful for - and certainly now!

I did not *expect* to get the job done on the first try but oh, we were so hopeful. I just prayed for peace, as I always do, before taking that first test Wednesday night. I didn't pray for a positive, I just prayed for peace. And I was fine. Disappointed, yes, but OK. That is until we ran by my parents' house Thanksgiving morning to drop off Belly before heading out of town... we had to tell them the news. I couldn't get it out of my mouth. Totally did not foresee this happening as I had been completely fine talking about it with the hub since the night before. But when I get around other family, especially my parents who are so invested (literally) in this, I remember there are others I'm disappointing here. And I KNOW they're not disappointed in me - of course not. But it's hard not to feel like you keep letting the wannabe-dad and wannabe-grandparents down. So anyway, I went to the bathroom while over there and as I was washing my hands, I just lost it. It was the first time I let myself cry over it and I was a blubbering fool.

Luckily, the hub managed to tell my parents about our negative pee stick while I was in the bathroom, so they knew why I was such a mess when I came out. So yeah, I had my good cry on Thanksgiving morning. But tears aside, you must know we truly are so grateful for the little babes on ice that await us. While going through this mess, I've connected with other IVF'ers all over the world via Twitter. It's amazing how widely people's results vary. It has become VERY clear that we are so, so blessed to have any frozens at all, not to mention 14+! My ovaries seriously kick ass. We just need to get my uterus in gear.

But again, thank you all so much for following along on this journey and encouraging me with every step! After my results tomorrow, I'm sure we'll get word on next steps. I'm guessing they'll have me sit out one cycle to let the meds get out of my system before gearing up for a frozen cycle in January. And OH, please let that frozen cycle work because I don't think I can handle doing a fresh cycle during tax season! I might die, get fired, or both! But hey, whatever we have to do - if the frozen cycle blows and we have to wait till April to start again, so be it. I just have to keep reminding myself: God's timing is perfect. Because it is. I know he's not making us wait without reason. (Just wish I freaking knew the reason!)

Alright, y'all... gotta get back to wrapping! And we're going to make some chili, so I've gotta get that going soon. Enjoy what's left of the weekend! I know I'm gonna! I'll let you all know what we find out from the doctor tomorrow...

Time for Turkey!

Yay for Thanksgiving week! I just love this time of year and this is one of my favorite weeks of all! So many fun things... Well first, it's a really quiet week at work -which is nice! Our office is closed Thursday and Friday and I'm taking off Wednesday, so it's only a two-day work week! Second, we have a really fun spaghetti dinner at a dear friend's parents' house Wednesday night that we go to every year. Always such a fun kick-off to Thanksgiving! And then of course there's Turkey Day itself... I of course adore the FOOD and family, but I also love the Thanksgiving Day Parade and the dog show afterward on TV. And the turkey-induced napping that afternoon, followed by a plate of leftovers that night! Sometimes we do the Black Friday thing, sometimes we don't... I'm not sure what the plan is this year! If we go, it's just for fun because our Christmas shopping is 95% done! And then finally Thanksgiving weekend is always topped off with the big Georgia / Georgia Tech game on Saturday night. Gonna be a good one! It always is...

Still hangin' in there with dot. We actually had dinner last night with our 2 to 1 ministry team at our leaders' home and they all prayed over us and for dot to stick, stick, stick! A very cool moment - so grateful to be surrounded by such caring friends. (Oh and on that note, I must give y'all the pasta salad recipe I used last night - delish!) We're of course continuing to pray everyday. We certainly want this to be our answer, but our biggest prayer is for continued trust and peace. We're so thankful for our little frozens, regardless of the results of this cycle. Just reciting over and over... "God's timing is perfect."

Now you know the two questions I'm getting most often right now are (1) "When do you find out?" and (2) "Do you think you're pregnant?" OK well first, we have a blood test at RBA on the Monday after Thanksgiving, so that will be our definitive answer. But we do plan to test on our own before then. As to exactly when, well it's nice to keep SOME things to ourselves - at least for a bit. So, mum's the word on that. And apparently some IVF'ers are dead set against peeing on a stick before the actual blood test. Well, not me. I rather know. My life is not riding on this... I just rather know. If it's a *no* - I'll be OK, but I just want to know. The "not-knowing" is truly the hardest part... all these scenarios running in your head. I don't want to go into the doctor's office Monday absolutely clueless and be waiting by the phone all day. No thanks! And, secondly, do I feel like I'm pregnant? Well I must tell you I really *hate* this question. First, how the hell would I know? But really, I hate this question because I personally do not like to speculate AT ALL. Of course I am feeling symptoms (but symptoms of what exactly?). My boobs are sore as hell. But I know that means nothing. Need I remind you of all the massive hormones I'm on and oh yeah, the big dose of the actual *pregnancy hormone* itself that was injected into my butt earlier? So yeah, to that question you get my standard "I really don't know - we'll see" with a stink eye. Sorry.

Yeah someone told me like 5 years ago that I would just "know it" as soon as I got pregnant. I'm calling bull shit on that theory. Maybe that's true for some, but not for me! I've been fooled before, so I really just try to stay chill and not speculate either way. I just hope, hope, hope, and pray, pray, pray... and do everything I can to make sure I'm eating right and taking all my crazy pills and drinking my nasty Noni. That's all I can do! The rest is on you, God!

So aside from the wait - which is actually going by pretty quickly - we've got lots to be thankful for this Thanksgiving! A huge surprise announcement at church caught me by surprise yesterday. Our church is building a Gwinnett campus in the next couple of years... it's going to be a hop and a skip from our house! This we knew - that was not the surprise. We knew about the Gwinnett campus and figured we would go there once it opened - it only made sense. But we love, love, love our Buckhead campus so very much. We just feel very invested there - we have always been there. We make the drive because we love it. And a big part of that is Jeff Henderson - the head pastor at the Buckhead campus. Well yesterday he announced that he is leaving Buckhead to head up the Gwinnett campus!!! That was a huge prayer answered that I didn't even know I had prayed! I am so, so stoked about this. I am truly sad for Buckhead Church to lose him, but so very excited and grateful that Jeff will be leading Gwinnett! And now we're of course sold on the idea of going to Gwinnett now that we know Jeff will be there. So huge!

And gosh, so much else to be thankful for this season... An amazing husband who gladly walks the trenches with me. Our two silly doggies who keep us smiling! Our amazing family and friends - seriously, we are blessed. Our little embies on ice! We got our own little army chilling in the lab - so grateful! The hub's new job - what a long way we've come since the beginning of this year! God is good. And just thankful for persevering over all this year... through baby drama, through money woes - we've nearly made it! We stuck to our guns and never faltered on the budget. We've got a long way to go with our financial goals, but I feel like we have steady feet now. Just continuing to trust and seek God's wisdom there. I think there are good things to come!

So what are you thankful for this year?

Oh PS, here's the pasta salad recipe I made yesterday. A huge hit! It's basically a caprese salad in pasta form. Love! I of course made it gluten-free with some good GF pasta courtesy of Wally World (and no one could tell the difference). I did nix the shredded parmesan, but I did leave in the fresh mozzarella. The mozz is in big chunks, so it's easy for me to scoot those to the side (sadly enough) to make it dairy-free. I so wanted to devour that cheese - ugh! Fresh mozz is one of my absolute favorites!!!

Harry stuff.

Anyone else but me uber excited about Harry Potter this weekend?!  We've got our IMAX tickets for tonight... cannot wait!  I've been listening to the audio book while working to get ready.  I've said it a million times, but if you're a big fan of the books and haven't experienced the audio versions read by Jim Dale, you must-must-must! I have all 7 books on my ipod. 

 

Only other major thing this weekend is that we're pulling out the Christmas decorations!  I usually wait till the weekend after Thanksgiving, because I really do not like to overshadow that holiday - it's also a big favorite!  But, we won't be in town but for one day next weekend, so we've got to get that rolling early.  I'm excited, but also sort of dreading it because I know we'll come across Charlie's stocking at some point.  I can't believe it's been almost 5 months since we said goodbye to him...  I find myself thinking about him at random times.  The other morning when we were getting ready to leave for our transfer, I could have sworn I heard his bark.  Sometimes I lose my breath when I remember, again, that he's gone.  We sure do miss him!  We're thinking about hanging his stocking somewhere (other than the hearth) with a little halo over it.  Too sweet!

 

OH and I also ordered like 15 of those cheap pregnancy tests online - $15 total (free shipping) for 15 tests.  Beats $15 for 2 tests at the grocery!  Anyone ever use these?  I've heard great things about them, so I much rather pay only $1/test.  And if they're a bust, Wally World's right around the corner.  We still have a while before we can test, so we're just hanging tight for now.  Somehow we've affectionately named our little embryo "dot."  So the hub and I have been referring to "dot" and talking to "dot."  And I remind him that I'm baking dot and therefore cannot do _____.  Or because I'm working hard on dot, I really need him to _____.  So far, it's worked really well.  I plan to ride this one out as long as possible.

 

I also have a couple of friends weighing heavily on my heart this weekend.  One friend from my women's small group had some cancerous cells removed from her abdomen last week with surgery - which were not expected to be cancerous, but were.  So now the doctors fear it may've spread to other areas, so they're in the process of finding all that out.  She's of course terrified and not sure what to think - and she's my age, how scary!  She has two very young kids, so this is of course really frightening for her family.  And then my sweet friend, Lucky, just found out her husband is going to be deployed for six months - almost a month to the day before their 1st anniversary.  They've known this was a possibility, but she is so upset and has only a week and a half left with him before he must go!  I'm so sad for her that he'll be away for their first Christmas, anniversary, and many other special moments.  But she is blessed with lots of family and friends here who will keep her going!  I'm so, so proud of her hubby and ALL of our men and women in uniform, but it's never easy to let them go.  So yes, several big line-items on my prayer list right now. 

 

Alrighty, that's about it for me today.  Y'all have fabu weekends!  I'm trying to wrap some things up so I can get outta here and go see Harry!  Expecto patronum!  Wingardium leviosa!  Stupify! Etc, etc.

Less than 24 hours!

Eating some leftover turkey meatloaf here... still meatin' it up as best I can.  Protein, protein, protein!  Oh and this is random, but I've finally found a good gluten-free and dairy-free way to get my cereal fix.  In case you forgot, I LOVE me some cereal.  I would eat a bowl almost every night as dessert.  Nothing crazy - I always go for the more "plain" cereals.  But since I've been banned from wheat, milk, and all things cold for the last 6 months, I haven't enjoyed this favorite in a long, long time.  Well, a month or so ago I noticed a couple of different types of Chex had "GLUTEN FREE" plastered on the front of the box.  A lot of cereals are actually gluten-free but they don't always label themselves so... hello, you should.  Case in point, I'm eating Chex now instead of digging through labels on other brands.  We also bought almond milk several weeks ago for the first time.  I can't drink it straight out of the fridge (cold), but hey, I figured I could at least cook with it.  Well the other day I had the brilliant idea of nuking the almond milk for just a few seconds to take off the chill.  So yeah, I've totally been downing bowl after bowl of GF Rice Chex with room temperature almond milk lately.  It's not quite the real thing, but it sure conquers that cereal craving!

 

Anyway, enough about food.  We got the call this morning - transfer is scheduled for tomorrow at 10:30am!  I'm so glad we got a morning time so I don't have to sit and stew about it all day.  I'm going to just end up taking the whole day off tomorrow because I've got an appointment with Dr. Liu later that day at 3pm.  That would leave me a whopping 2.5 hours to get any work done, so what is the point?!  Plus, while I totally could go back to work afterward, a lot of stuff I've read advises you to take it easy.  So I'm good with that!

 

I'm definitely a little nervous but am ready!  We're excited.  This might sound dumb, but I'm thinking about testing the full bladder thing this afternoon.  I'm supposed to drink like 30-40oz or something ridiculous starting an hour before the transfer.  So I may try that this afternoon and see how long I can hold it.  I'm going to HAVE to hold it tomorrow, but maybe I can build up my bladder endurance today - haha!  And I think I may take some Tylenol before the transfer...  it's similar to an IUI and those are most often uncomfortable (translation: painful) for me, so maybe that'll help a bit.  My cervix can be a little stubborn sometimes.  Ick.

 

But wow, this is the last big step!  I can't believe it...  Again, I'm so grateful that we've gotten this far.  IVF cycles get canceled many times for one reason or another - women don't respond to the meds, the eggs don't make it or they won't fertilize, or the little embryos don't survive till transfer, etc.  A million things can go wrong.  So we're truly celebrating every day of progress!  I've been praying hard for our sweet little embryos.  I'm curious to hear how many ( of the 14) make it to day 5.  Chances are, not all of them will.  But we're all confident that we'll have that one good candidate to transfer back tomorrow! 

 

It's go-time.  Uterus, you're on.  Make it work!

 

Current mood: A little anxious, a lot excited!

We're a GO for Wednesday!

As anticipated, we got the call this morning that we'll be doing a day 5 transfer on Wednesday! So excited! After talking to two different nurses who indicated we probably would be doing day 5, we were pretty convinced - but you never know. So far, everything has gone pretty perfectly (at least as far as we can tell). So I'm just continuing to pray that we stay the course. I'm a little anxious about the transfer - it's the last big step! But I'll know it'll be fine and we'll be on the other side of it before we know it.

I've been on the progesterone fun pills since Saturday and I'll start the Estrogen patch Wednesday. They also have me on some kind of steroid for several days that helps prevent my wonky uterus from rejecting the transferred embryo as a foreign object. It's amazing how much goes into this with the timing and the meds... the science is just unreal. And appreciated! I seriously don't understand how people get pregnant on their own. So much has to happen at just the right time! It's truly a miracle.

Physically, still getting back to 100%. I'm almost there - I just get a little uncomfortable at random times if I try to move too fast. Otherwise, I'm good to go and GLAD to have those million eggs out of me. They were sucking up all my energy - literally. Emotionally, I'm very excited and ready, but easily kicked in the face. It's like I'm all about it when it's just me and the hub or if we're at the doctor's office surrounded by fellow infertiles. But when I go out in the "real" world I find myself a little extra sensitive lately. Like I was at the mall Sunday doing a little Christmas shopping and in a span of 30 seconds I eyeballed three ridiculously cute pregnant chicks. "Aw, you're cute! I hate you." Leaving Kroger earlier that same day toting my fresh pineapple to help with implantation, I stopped as a not-so-well-kept (I'm putting this delicately) teenage girl passed me with her infant in tow. Really?! You can be on an emotional high thinking about this amazing IVF technology with all its possibilities and then you see that. None of this is fair, I know that. But no matter how at peace you may be with it all, life still punches you in the gut every now and then. And that's OK. I guess I just gotta roll with the punches, right?

Continuing to pop my gazillions of pills and herbs here and also concentrating extra, extra hard on maintaining a high protein diet. Moo Goo makes that pretty easy, but I'm really trying to ramp up the protein this week. I'm piling on those meats like no tomorrow! I like me some meat, so I'm not complaining. But I do have to be intentional about it and track what I'm eating. I've been doing that (tracking) off and on forever, so that's no big thing.

Other goings-on this week... duh, HARRY POTTER on Friday! Already got our IMAX tickets for Friday evening. I can't handle the midnight showing in my current state. Maybe we'll be able to swing that for the final film next year - that's always fun to go to because everyone's SO over-the-top excited. What a nice kick-off to our two-week-wait!

Current mood: Super excited for Wednesday!

Back to it.

No real news to report on the IVF front other than the fact that a nurse called earlier today with a transfer time of 4:30pm tomorrow. I knew they would go ahead and schedule a day 3 transfer even if they thought our little embryos would make it to day 5. She said they'll most likely call in the morning (tomorrow) to reschedule for day 5. Seems like they're pretty sure it's going to be a day 5 deal, but I'm sending up some extra prayers just in case. Grow, little guys, grow!

I still took it fairly easy today. It was an online church kinda day, but I did get out this afternoon to do a quick grocery run and also some quick Christmas shopping. I had a couple of really good coupons that I couldn't let go to waste! I've just about knocked out my entire shopping list! Of course, our list isn't very big. Neither the hub or I have huge extended families, and outside of that, we don't buy too many other gifts. Plus we still don't buy gifts for each other - not till we're out of debt! But I'm definitely very methodical about the whole gift-buying process. I've got my master spreadsheet with my budget for everyone... I take out the cash and I go! I've got a few things left to grab, so I'd say I'm about 80-85% done.

Alright, off to bed for me. I've got a long day ahead. I really wish I could just not work until we get past the transfer... wouldn't that be nice?! Duty calls, though. I am so thankful that my retrieval fell on a Friday and allowed me to rest up over the weekend. So nice! Feeling much, much better today. Still a little discomfort at times when trying to sit straight up, but even that is mostly gone. Pretty sure I can handle the desk chair tomorrow!

Current mood: Hopeful

Fertilization Report!

As I was getting ready to head out the door for acupuncture this morning, I got the call! Are you ready for this? Of our whopping 40 eggs retrieved, 30 were mature. ICSI was used on all 30 eggs and of those, 24 were fertilized successfully! They went ahead and froze 10 of those embryos and are watching the remaining 14 to see how they grow. We are thrilled! The fact that they used ICSI on all of them really makes me wonder if we've had a fertilization issue all along (on top of everything else). Honestly, that makes me feel good -it's good to have answers. Either way, we are so excited for the results!

Apparently it was quite the party in that petri dish last night! We're supposed to get another call tomorrow to schedule a time for transfer on Monday, BUT the nurse said she is 99% sure that we'll be doing a day 5 transfer on Wednesday (which is ideal)! Super excited! Transfer is the last big step... can't believe we're almost there!

Current mood: Over the moon!

An eggceptional morning!

Egg retrieval went great! I'm lounging here on the couch with our laptop. Sitting straight up is not so comfy, so I'm trying to stay horizontal for the most part today. Gertie and I took a nice nap together as soon as I got home. Nurse hub is being great of course, bringing me water, food, pills, and chick flicks. It's weird being home though - I keep thinking it's Saturday.

The funniest thing this morning was that once I was in my lovely hospital gown, cap, and booties and all IV'd up, they brought back my husband. Except that he was NOT my husband. Apparently they called for a "Scott" out in the waiting room and some other Scott jumped up first. The nurse entered my room first and goes, "and here he is!" I was like, "uh, yeah, that's not my Scott." And I'm sure after taking one look at me in all my hospital glory, he was thinking, "yeah that's NOT my wife - thank God!" Hahahaha...

I had never been to the surgical center before at RBA. Both of my surgeries with Dr. T were actually at hospitals (Northside and then Piedmont) for insurance purposes, so I'd never had a procedure done up there before. It's in the same building as the clinic, but up a couple of floors. It's weird because you get off the elevator and it looks like any nice office building. Waiting room looks pretty normal. But then you go through some doors in the back and suddenly you're in a full-on hospital. Bizarre. So after talking with the nurses, Dr. T, and the anesthesiologist, it was finally time to head to the OR. One of the nurses actually walked me down there with my IV stand while I held my gown tight so I didn't expose my buns. Once in the OR, they had me sit down on the table, slowly lay down and then started my sleep-tight druggies. I don't remember when I fell asleep exactly... all I remember is waking up and wanting to keep sleeping!

I was in recovery for maybe 30 minutes. One of the nurses asked me if I was sure I hadn't grown feathers and started clucking, because they retrieved FORTY eggs! 4-0! We of course don't know yet how many of those were mature, but 40 - wow! Dr. T also said the hub gave a fabulous specimen, so yay us! There's definitely a big party in a petri dish going on right now. We'll get the call tomorrow by 1pm with the fertilization report! We were also told that they'll probably freeze some actual eggs (in addition to embryos) since there were so many. Maybe I should start selling those puppies! Haha...

So now I'm just resting up this weekend and getting prepared for the transfer in 3-5 days. They will go ahead and schedule me for a day 3 transfer (Monday), but if possible they will hold off till day 5 - which is ideal. I start my progesterone and baby aspirin tomorrow. Then my estrogen patch a few days later. The transfer next week is the last big step and then it's pretty much a wait-n-see kinda thing. So glad to make it this far with such good results! Uterus, it's now your turn to work it. Get ready!

I need a nap.

The last couple of days have been nuts!  Well y'all know all the jazz going on with the IVF stuff, duh.  But we've also had some doggie drama as of late.  We've been keeping my parents' big golden, Bailey, for the last week and a half while they've been cruising around on a big ship.  Bailey is very large for his breed - over 100 lbs and probably 25 of that is hair.  He thinks he weighs 15lbs and the silliest little thing will scare him.  So it doesn't take much to wind up with a 100 lb fuzzball jumping in your lap out of nowhere.  And poor thing tries so hard to play with our two girls, but Belly just gives him "eat shit" looks and Gertie runs the other way.  He's nothing but sweet, but the boy has lots of skin and ear issues, among other things, and is in and out of the vet a lot.  "High maintenance" as my mom calls it.  So of course along with his bag of meds, other goodies, and typed care instructions, my mom made sure to inform his vet that the hub and I would be taking care of him for a couple of weeks and that we had decision-making authority for his care, if needed.  Yes, we are talking about a dog here.  We dog people are crazy!

 

So anyway, Bailey tends to get ear infections quite easily so my parents are always on the offense, trying to keep his ears clear of any gunk.  As I was cleaning out his ears the other day, I felt this large blister-like mass on his left ear.  He's got sweet, soft floppy ears, so this was obviously NOT normal.  After asking my parents about it, we contacted the vet and they said to bring him on in because it might be a hematoma.  So I took him to the vet (well he drug me behind him actually) and sure enough, it was a hematoma and the only real option was to surgically drain it and stitch it back up.  So we scheduled surgery for him the next morning (today).  I brought him home last night and he was so nervous after the vet visit that he threw up as soon as I sat his dinner in front of him.  (He tends to urp when he gets nervous... he did so when my parents were packing for their trip.)  But two minutes later he was fine and gobbled up his dinner.

 

This morning I dropped him off bright and early.  Surgery went fine and I'll be picking him up here pretty soon.  He'll have to wear one of those big Elizabethan collars for a few weeks!  So I get to play nurse tonight for the fuzzy boy.  His surgery went perfectly and he is doing great!  It was actually weird being at the vet these last two days - I haven't been to any vet in so long because the hub has taken our dogs the last few times they've needed to go, especially Charlie.  So it all made me think of Charlie too - sure do miss that boy.  I think of him everyday.

 

So yes, craziness with dogs along with craziness with trying to make babies!  I had one last acupuncture session today before tomorrow's surgery.  I did the whole pre-op routine over the phone with the surgical center this afternoon.  Last night the hub gave me the big HCG injection (trigger shot).   I was nervous about it because (a) it's a bigger needle than my others and (b) it had to be done at a very precise time since the retrieval occurs exactly 36 hours later.  But we got it done on time and all was fine!  I had a bit of a sore left bun, but it went away fairly quickly. 

 

Still feeling pretty sore/achy and just tired overall.  I get really worn out by the end of the day.  And dear me, my boobs were so freakin' sore when I woke up this morning.  And really every part of me just seems extra sensitive.  For instance, acupuncture usually doesn't hurt at all.  I mean, occasionally Dr. Liu will hit a spot that crosses your eyes, but in general it's relatively pain-free.  Well today like nearly every needle going in was uncomfortable.  My follies must be sucking up all my energy!  My belly just feels crampy and tight.  It's still working hard.  Nothing unbearable, but it's that kind of "bleh" feeling where you'd like to just stretch out on the couch with a Snuggie and the remote.

 

I'm guessing my body will sorta start to get back to normal after these blood-sucking follies disappear.  But I'll be on the estrogen and progesterone junk starting tomorrow, so not completely normal.  My weight has stayed the same - up, but the same.  Still bloated around my mid-section.  It just gets kind of uncomfortable to sit after a while.  So I'm seriously looking forward to being horizontal for much of tomorrow!  I've been craving this drug-induced nap all week.

 

We're reporting to the surgical center at 8 o'clock sharp in the morning... in grubby clothes and no makeup, mind you, so if you see me and call my name I'll pretend I can't hear you.  Oh and typical with surgery, I can't eat or drink anything after midnight tonight.  Ugh!  I hate that.  I'm a big breakfast eater so my tummy's going to be GROWLING come 8am.  They better knock me out fast!

 

Well, here goes, kiddos.  Not sure when I'll be awake enough to give an update, but I'll let you know how the retrieval goes when I can!  I forget when exactly we'll get word on how many eggs were retrieved... later that day or next afternoon maybe?  I'll let y'all know what we hear!  Thanks so much for all the encouraging words and prayers... we're so excited to get this far!  Every step is worth celebrating!

 

Current mood: Pumped! Excited!!!