Two Years.

I love our girls, but oh how I miss this sweet boy...

Two years later and I still think about that goofy face every day.  Probably wouldn't have needed my Snoogle if he had been around for my pregnancy... he was the best spooner.  Love you, buddy!

The Weekend

...is almost over, but that's OK because we have our first ultrasound in the morning! I've been totally relaxed and calm about all this since last Tuesday. Which is really refreshing given that I was a bit of a basket case last weekend. But yeah, we have our first ultrasound tomorrow at 8am and we'll see my doctor to discuss the results. I'm sure I'll be a little anxious going into it, but right now I'm just excited. I can't believe we've made it this far! It's been a loooooong two weeks leading up to this point.

We're now in the 7th week (6w2d today)...

Your embryo makes great strides in size this week, growing to between 0.44 inches and 0.52 inches from crown to rump by the end of the week, or about the size of a small raspberry. Leg buds are starting to look like short fins, and hands and feet have a digital plate where fingers and toes will develop. The heart and lungs are becoming more developed, as are the eyes and nostrils, intestines and appendix. By now the brain and spinal cord are growing from the neural tube [webmd.com].


Looks like a little alien doesn't it? Growing like a weed. I will get news up here on the ultrasound as soon as I can! Big prayers that everything is developing as it should be and where it should be. And we should be able to tell if there's one or two little peas in there! Again, I'll be seriously surprised if there's more than one, but you never know.

So I actually wore a pair of maternity shorts today. There's no chance in hell of me getting into any of my other shorts right now, so I broke down and got a pair at Old Navy this weekend with a nice elastic waistband since it's so dang hot. They're really cute and comfortable on my pooch...




Another random purchase we made this weekend? Shift your attention from babies to dogs for a minute here. Have y'all heard of these Thundershirts?



A friend introduced them to us last night and we were so intrigued. They're really affordable, so we didn't think twice about giving these a try on our dogs. Our two have lots of um... "behaviors" that these thundershirts claim to help correct. We'll see. I'll definitely let y'all know how they work out. We ordered them today off of Amazon. You have to watch the video on the main website though - it's hilarious. You'd think they gave the dog a tranquilizer.

This weekend in general was pretty low key, though we managed to squeeze a lot in. My sweet friend, Lucky, and her hubby had a going-away bash. She's an army wife now and they are leaving Atlanta for the west coast on their first of many moves/adventures. I'm SO sad to see her go, but we're all thrilled for them too. It's an exciting move! I also met some girlfriends today to see Bridesmaids for a second time. Hilarious, again. And the hub recently got a bug to do some painting in the house, so we made a trip to Home Depot this afternoon and got all kinds of paint supplies. He made good progress today and I did a good job of napping and occasionally pointing while he worked.

Really just staying awake this weekend was a major accomplishment. The fatigue during these early weeks is no joke. Which reminds me, I need to go to bed...

Oh and P.S. - I got promoted to manager this past week at work! Ordinarily I would've made a big to-do out of that when it happened but it kinda took me by surprise the day it was announced and honestly, my mind's just been elsewhere lately! Though, I am very thrilled about the promotion and my mom will be happy that I finally mentioned it on here! ;-)

Now, for real - bed.

Who doesn't love a snow day?

Well, I do. If I have nowhere else I need to be. Work is quiet right now, so no big deal there really. BUT I'm supposed to be out for surgery starting tomorrow. That is *if* I can get to my pre-op appointment in the morning. I tried to get an afternoon appointment initially, but no luck. The latest I could get was 9 am. Yeah, we'll see...

In the meantime, I'll just enjoy the snow since there's really nothing I can do about it!

the view from my home office window

can't even see the roads!

puppy prints out the back deck

Stay warm, Atlanta! And be safe! I mean, they're not even airing the Today Show on NBC here so the local news can continue to cover WINTER STORM 2011!!! We were cracking up at the reporters last night bending down to the ground so they could get hands-on with the floofy white stuff. "As you can see here, the snow has started to accumulate!" That's the South for ya. So, take cover!

The hub went on in to work really early but doesn't plan to stay long. I'll throw on my wellies in a bit and goof around with the pups once the sun comes up. Everyone's still being a bit lazy for now. (Fine by me.)

And here's one last reminder to enter my kick-ass giveaway! You've got until midnight ET tonight, so git 'r done.

Gertie Update

I'm so thankful for a nice long weekend... our office is closed Monday, but I went ahead and took today off too since work will be a freaking ghost town today. So I've got four days to officially transition into 2011. The hub is working most of today and Monday also, so that leaves me here alone with the dogs. Normally I love this. Not that I don't love days at home with my husband around, but I love a day here and there by myself to knock a million things off my to-do list.

Since Monday's incident, however, being at home alone is weird. I'm not comfortable having both of the dogs out together when the hub's not here. It's not like our dogs are fighting more than they ever did, but the terror I went through Monday has me fearful of it occurring again while I'm alone. Not gonna happen. So, unfortunately I've got to put one dog up (Belly), while the other (Gertie) is out roaming around with me. I'd let them take turns but Belly honestly kind of likes it... she pitches a fit for about 20 seconds and then decides it's pretty cool. No one can bother her. Gertie would bark all day if I locked her up - she's very needy and must be within 10 feet of a human at all times. She does fine when she knows we're leaving, but if she realizes we're in the house still, it's not gonna fly. See, she's got her eyes on me as I'm typing here...

I was a blubbering fool most nights this week coming home (I usually beat the hub by an hour or so), having to immediately put Belly up. I felt like she was being punished for no reason and I just missed "hanging out" with both of my girls while unwinding from the day. Instead I'd just slump on the couch and rub Gertie's head and cry. My whole body was just aching - not only soreness from my feeble attempts to stop Monday's fight, but also from trying to hold back tears for 48 hours straight. I'm feeling much better though. And I certainly appreciate all of your prayers and advice!

We don't have a long-term plan yet, but we've decided to immediately put up baby gates at the top and bottom of our stairs so we can have both dogs out, but apart. That way, only one dog can harass someone at the door. Our upstairs has a bridge-way that overlooks the downstairs, so whoever is up there can still see what's going on in the den and at the door and hopefully won't feel too "left out." Gertie of course will have to have at least one human on her floor at all times - so I'm sure this will get annoying at times, but necessary. We figure it's a good short-term solution and we know we'll need baby gates on our stairs in the future anyway, so why not now? The standard pressure lock gates won't do - our girls will bust right through those, so I searched for a good one you actually drill into the wall or post...

These particular gates had great reviews on Amazon and some people bought them for the exact same purpose we are. So they're great for kids and dogs alike. I ordered two of these today, so I'm hoping they get here soon! Aside from that, we are also seeking the advice of some trainers and behavior experts. We know our situation is not uncommon, so we're curious to get a professional opinion. The hub's boss gave him the name of a police dog trainer. He said, "before you do anything, talk to this guy." So we'll definitely see what he has to say on the matter. Thing is, it's not just Gertie's "fault" - though I hate to call any of it a fault. We've just got two bitches that don't mix well - both of them contribute to the problem. Like I said, Belly is most often the instigator, but Gertie is certainly the finisher.

We haven't officially started looking for new homes - we want to hear out the behavior experts first. But assuming we'll still be looking for a new spot for Gertie, we have decided that we want to put our best efforts into finding a new family ourselves (versus giving her to a no-kill shelter or adoption group that would place her). We're not opposed to the rescue agency route - we're big fans as we got both Belly and Charlie from rescue groups. But right now the idea of handing her over with no knowledge of where she'll end up is... well, it's just not something we're ready for. That might be our only option at some point, but I have to believe there's a better way.

Right now, the gate idea gives me tremendous peace of mind. Our girls will continue to sleep with us at night, in the same room - we just don't let Gertie on the bed anymore. I really don't worry about them being together at night. We're both there and they are great sleepers and really don't bother each other. Really, with the hub there I'm much more comfortable. If the dogs were to go at it, it's much easier to break it up with two people. And for whatever reason, the hub has this amazing ability to calm me down. While I'm a basket case dealing with a dog fight alone, I have my head screwed on a lot straighter if he is there to lead the way. He's a keeper!

So yes, I'm feeling much better mentally and physically over this whole thing. There is still lots to work out and hard decisions to make, but I feel like we've got some good temporary solutions to make it a little easier. Please continue to pray for us and our girls! I appreciate all of your good thoughts and I'll of course keep y'all in the loop as to what we are doing.

Alright... on to the rest of my to-do list for the day! I hope you all have a very happy and safe New Year's Eve! We are starting off the night with some friends from our small group and plan to finish it at a neighborhood party. We're not big on getting on the roads on NYE, so the walking-distance neighborhood shindig is the way to go. Cheers to you all! Adios, 2010.

A Ruff Week

Honestly, I don't want to write this post.  It is a hard post to write.  I think I've cried enough this week to solve the water wars down here.  I wouldn't have been able to get this out yesterday.  And it's literally hard to type because my wedding ring finger is bandaged up and doesn't bend so easily right now - though it's a ton better than yesterday.  Typing yesterday was damn near impossible.

 

So Monday afternoon I got home from work and did my normal routine of letting the pups out.  We always keep Belly and Gertie separated while they're home alone to prevent them from getting in a fight.  They don't fight often, but when they do it's bad - so we don't take a chance.  Anyway, I let them out and a few minutes later, while I'm rummaging through the mail, I hear Gertie run to the front window to bark at some passerby.  Then a split-second later Belly is running after her to see what the fuss is about and I immediately ran to the window - because this is when fights will break out.  It's most often over someone ringing the door bell or seeing something outside that is bark-worthy.  We don't know exactly what sets it off, but we think Gertie sees Belly's aggressive barking (at the door or person outside) as being aggressive toward her (feeling threatened).  And then she snaps and goes to town on Belly.  And Belly is of course like, "Aw HELL no!" and gives the fight her own 110%.  But poor Belly is just no match for Gertie.  The girl has the heart of a lion but no body to back it up.

 

Gertie is a lab/pit mix and while she's not a huge dog, she has incredible strength.  She fights like any other dog would fight, but she just has so much power behind her that it's near impossible to physically get her to stop.  And dangerous, hello bum finger.  So yes, a nasty fight broke out not 10 minutes after I got home on Monday and I was alone with them.  I've been alone with them before when they've fought and I managed to quickly break them up unscathed.  This time, however, I was helpless.  After reading this article, I realize I did everything wrong.  Running toward them screaming, "NO, NO, NO!" - yeah, that was me.  Rushing in and trying to grab the dogs and pull them apart?  Yep, that was me too.  (If you have a weak stomach, don't look at that article - it has some grody dog bite pictures.  I did get beat up a bit, but nothing like that - don't worry!)  Try as I might, I could not get the girls off of each other.  Dogs will typically just latch on to each other when they fight and Gertie gets in lock-down mode and won't let up.   I tried everything.  I tried dumping water on them.  I tried stuff I'm embarrassed to admit.  I was in a total panic and completely terrified watching my girls rip into each other with me not having the strength (or know-how) to stop it.  I was doing everything I could think of and getting worn out in the process, praying out loud for strength, "I can't do this, I'm not strong enough, please help me!!!"  Absolute terror.

 

It was probably only 5 minutes, but it seemed to go on for an hour.  By the grace of God, I finally managed to get them separated.  They actually separated several other times but dogs will immediately charge each other again - as they did.  So somehow I finally managed to get Gertie off, while simultaneously yelling "OFF!!!" at Belly.  She actually listened (a miracle, seriously).  I had Gertie pinned down and got Belly to back up far enough that I could escort Gertie out the back door without them locking up again. 

 

I just knew Belly had to be torn up, but of course she was prancing around wagging her tail 2 minutes later.  I, however, was a mess.  I managed to get a couple of bite wounds in the process since I unwisely tried to get in the middle of it.  Luckily nothing serious at all, but I'm definitely sore and bruised up.  I was getting in all kinds of awkward positions trying to over-power them, to no avail.  So yeah, lots of sore muscles and bruises.  Surprisingly, the dogs are actually OK.  Belly is definitely sore - she got scratched up a good bit around her neck, but only had one small puncture wound.  Gertie had a small puncture on her snout, but she's fine otherwise.  As long as that fight seemed to go on, I'm seriously amazed Belly was not more hurt.  Her worst fight injury to date was actually from Charlie years ago!  Knowing Charlie, it was over food, I'm sure.  We can tell she's sore though and have been giving her lots of TLC.  She's been curling up on the heating pad at night and getting lots of gentle rub-downs.

 

Being alone in the middle of that terrible fight Monday night left me mentally and physically drained.  It suddenly became really clear... "I just can't do this anymore."  These girls are just NOT going to get along.  Sure, 99% of the time they're completely civil with one another.  Gertie would actually love for Belly to be her buddy, but Belly is the Alpha and she is not interested.  Belly starts the fights most often it seems, but Gertie will finish them.  It's just a bad match.  If you remember, we got Belly almost immediately after getting married - so she's been with us for 8 years.  The hub rescued Gertie from a hit-n-run accident a little over 3 years ago.  We rehabilitated her and planned to foster her back to health and find a permanent home for her, but uh... obviously we fell for her and ended up keeping her.  We did have one family who really wanted her, but they backed out at the last minute. 

 

So we are at a crossroads.  And my heart is totally broken.  Especially with us looking to get pregnant and bring children into our home, we can't risk them getting in the middle of a fight like this.  I'm 110% confident that neither Belly or Gertie would ever attack my kid.  They both are so great with kids, actually.  But Heaven help us if a fight broke out within a few feet of a toddler.  When dogs are in fight-mode, they are in their own little world and anyone that gets in the way is sure to get hurt.  (Hello again, bum finger.) 

 

We love our Gertie more than I could ever explain in words.  She has the sweetest demeanor of any dog I've ever known and the girl loves us SO hard.  She especially loves her daddy, her own knight in shining armor.  She wants nothing more than to be with us.  She's always at our heels (and we're always tripping over her!).  She would be the *perfect* dog if she was by herself.  But being with another dog, certainly another particularly bitchy female, is not best for her.  My mom thinks maybe Gertie senses Belly getting older and is really starting to challenge her Alpha status.  I'm sure that's part of it, as Belly feels the need to constantly remind Gertie of her place.  She's always herding Gertie and anytime we tell Gertie "OFF" to get off the bed, Belly insists on escorting her off, growling the whole time.  As if to say, "Yeah, did you hear that?! Get off our bed, you dog!"

 

It's crazy because Belly is without a doubt the "dominant" one, but get them in a fight and Gertie just completely over-powers her.  You'd think Belly would just wave the white flag, but the girl is a true bitch and won't give in.  So with Monday's big fight and all of this considered, we feel something really must be done.  We think the best possible outcome, though it tears me up completely, is to find a new home for Gertie.  Of course everything I read makes this sound like an impossible feat.  There are hundreds and thousands of doggies out there looking for homes.  Gertie would be a perfect only-pet... but how are we supposed to convince people of that?  She deserves the best -she is SUCH a good girl.  She would thrive in the right setting.  It breaks my heart that our girls don't get along.  We really don't know what our solution is yet - we are still in research mode.  But I've already begun to pray for a new family to take our sweet girl.  If you were reading a handwritten version of this, you would see tear drops all over the paper.

 

I realize there are "behavior" coaches.  We haven't ruled that out, but we don't exactly have the cash to pay an expensive trainer and our pet insurance policies don't cover any such fees.  In my heart of hearts, I believe the best solution is to find a better place for our girl.  It is not what I want.  I feel like a failure of a mom.  I feel like the outside world will see it as us "giving up" on our girl.  But at the end of the day, we have to find a solution that is best for her, best for Belly, and best for us.  So please pray for us as we're seeking wisdom here.  I am praying hard for God to point us toward a family that will love our sweet Gertie.  She deserves nothing less.  This is so hard on us.  To me, it's worse than losing Charlie.  As tough as it was to let him go, we knew we were making the right decision for him.  This is different.  There is no clear, easy decision.  All we know is that something has to change quickly. 

 

I certainly welcome any advice on what to do in this situation.  We are absolutely not the type to kick a dog to the curb because we decided we don't want them.  This is about finding the best place for our beloved girl and you can't imagine how heavily this weighs on our hearts, so please don't go thinking this is easy for us in any way.  It's not a decision we ever anticipated having to make.  We sincerely appreciate your prayers.

Christmas Greetings

I'm finally getting the bulk of our Christmas cards in the mail today! I started them back before Thanksgiving but am just now getting them wrapped up. We cut them out last year due to budget constraints, so we're super excited to be back in the game this year. I've still got some address changes to pull, but I'm nearly done! So here's your Christmas greeting, bloggyworld...




Don't we make for some fabulous stick figures?


Folded cards ordered from Expressionery (with a big fat discount code of course!).

15 Minutes of Terror

So this morning started off a *little* rocky. About every other morning, the hub gets up around 5am to play racquetball with a buddy in the neighborhood. I hear him getting up and getting ready. The pups stay snuggled up next to me (because who the hell gets up at 5am?). I hear the hub whisper "I love you" as he walks out. I respond with my usual barely audible grunt. I hear the garage door go up and back down, pat Belly's head under the covers, and roll back over. ZZZzzzz....

Thirty minutes later, I wake up suddenly to some rummaging noises downstairs. I jump up and realize the dogs aren't in the room with me anymore. Oh great... Gertie's gotten into something. What now? So I throw on my glasses and head downstairs.

All the lights are on. TV's going. But no dogs. Hmmm... maybe the hub accidentally left them outside? The noise must've been them jumping on the door to get back in. I look outside (which is still dark as it's not quite 6am)... no pups. OK I swear I just heard them! I pull out their food in the pantry and start scooping it (because if anything will get them running to me, THAT will). No dogs. I turn around and see the hub's phone and racquetball bag on the kitchen island. OK... he left like 30 minutes ago. What is going on? No husband, no dogs. Empty house. What the HELL is going on?

Insert: MAJOR HYSTERICAL RAGING TEARFUL FREAK OUT

I just keep circling up and downstairs... and down in the basement. Check again outside. I keep saying "What is going on? Where are my babies?" Yelling my husband's name. Crying hysterically the whole time. So now I'm playing out these awful scenarios in my head. He's been kidnapped and the dogs escaped! OK that's ridiculous. He left without his stuff and the dogs accidentally got out. So now I'm picturing having to bury two other dogs. But I JUST heard them! What is going on?!?!??! Do I call 911?

Finally I think to go look in the laundry room where we keep the leashes for the dogs. And sure enough, the girls' harnesses and leashes are gone. Common sense would say, OK the hub decided to go on an early morning walk with the dogs. But common sense doesn't kick in till at least 7am. No, a robber has come in and stolen our dogs!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So now I'm trying to convince myself that the hub did indeed just take the dogs out. But why? Whenever we walk them, it's at night. So this is not normal AT ALL. I calm down some but am still pacing. A few minutes later (though an eternity in my state), the hub comes through the front door with our dogs. I meet him there and just break down. Sounding like a 5 year old who dropped her ice cream cone, I cry "I... didn't...know....where....you....were!!!!"

He of course felt terrible... he said he did come back upstairs and grabbed the dogs and told me he was going out for a walk with them since his buddy canceled on him. Yeah, no recollection of that. Snoozing away. Perfectly innocent on his part, but sheer terror on my end. He didn't think I'd be awake before he got back either... which I probably wouldn't have. Turns out it was the clatter of him getting out the door with the dogs that woke me up.

So now we have a new rule... leave a note. I think my heart is still trying to slow down. We had a good laugh over it, after I calmed down of course. "Well, at least I know you'd miss me," the hub said. "Or at least the dogs."

Hopefully the rest of the day will be a little more smooth sailing! Happy Thursday! :)

A final letter to my buddy.

My sweet Charlie,

It's an unspoken understanding that when you get a dog, you know someday you'll have to say goodbye. I don't know why dog years are so much shorter than human years, but I didn't make the rules. We knew the day was coming... we had hoped you would get better and stay with us a little longer, but we couldn't watch you hurting anymore. I don't think I ever would've been ready to say goodbye to you, buddy. But we knew you were ready. I remember sitting with you at the bottom of the stairs a few days before when you were breathing so rapidly. Through tears I asked you to tell us when you were ready to go home.

All that weekend I kept asking your daddy, "do you think he knows how much we love him?" I hope you knew how big our hearts were for you, buddy. I always say that doggies are one of the most tangible glimpses of God's unconditional love for us. (In a sweet, furry package.) And you were the epitome of that... you loved us so hard and wanted nothing more than to be with us. The days that followed your last were a constant reminder of that. With you gone, I became acutely aware of how much you had been a part of my daily routine.


You were always the first to wake us up in the mornings. Always so eager to get outside and do your "lap" back and forth across the yard, you'd stand by my bedside and stare at me with that goofy face of yours, whimpering slightly till one of us got up. Sometimes Belly would join you, but the girls usually would just roll over and sleep in a little more. Whether I was taking a shower, cutting up fruit, unloading the washer, or blow-drying my hair, you were right by my side. The house just felt very, very still without you. Very quiet. I guess I never realized how independent our girls were... but I found myself doing all my normal daily things without anyone at my heels. And that was heartbreaking. Coming home from work for the first time, knowing you wouldn't be there to greet me, felt so weird. Going through that first 24-hour period without you was really tough. It just felt wrong.


But that's just something your daddy and I have to go through. We miss you so much and it hurts. Your funny little face brought us such joy and endless laughter. We only had 6 1/2 years with you, but what sweet years they were. We always joke about how silly and goofy you were... you would come and sit before us and just look at us with this look of anticipation, as if to say, "OK, what's next?!" You were absolutely terrified of water. Whenever we'd go to the lake, you'd hide behind me as if Daddy couldn't see you. He was always trying to get you to face your fear, but that never really worked, did it?! We laughed that your little corner of Heaven must have NO pools, rivers or lakes anywhere (because those are so scary!!!)... only a big bowl of drinking water for you to vigorously gulp and dribble everywhere. And oh, I bet there's a feast fit for a king for you up there... you did love to eat. You were the sweetest of boys till someone messed with your food! (I think you got that from me.)

The days leading up to our goodbye were precious. Despite you not feeling well most days, you were able to perk up a bit on Father's Day. What a good day you had! We all went out for ice cream - our last little family outing with all three of you. And you got lots of love from Grandma and Grandpa that day too during our Father's Day dinner... what a treat! It was a great day full of family. We didn't know it was your last full day with us, but it was a great last day, wasn't it, buddy?


Your daddy and I had discussed a while back how we would say goodbye to you when the time came. It's something we hated talking about, but we wanted to have a plan in place. We wanted to be ready when you were. And just like I asked you, you told us that Monday morning that you were ready to go. All that fun you had on Father's Day caught back up with you... you were so pitiful and weak. I hate that I had to go on in to work and leave you for a few hours. You should know I was fighting back tears all morning long and all my thoughts were on you. I was so glad to see you feeling a little better when I got home that afternoon. We were able to enjoy a little sunshine together in the backyard. It was so surreal following you up the deck stairs, and then watching you nose open the back door... for the last time. I knew at that moment that I'd never see you do that again. Something I've seen you do a million times before.


We had your vet come to the house to help us say goodbye. We knew how much you hated going to the doctor... we didn't want your last moments to be at the vet's office. It was important for you to be here, at your home, surrounded by your family - even your silly sisters. We wanted you to be as comfortable as you could be, and I think you were. I hope you were. Daddy just kept giving you peanut butter and you just kept licking away. You still had peanut butter on your tongue when you finally fell asleep. So if you still have the taste of your favorite treat in your mouth, that's why.


I keep replaying the image of us laying down your sweet head... we were holding it together as you passed away. The bitter sweetness of that moment makes me smile but also haunts me. Running my hands over your beautiful coat one last time and kissing your sweet head... it'll never be enough. I hate that you're not here with us. I hate it. I miss every part of you... the lines on your face, your mysterious missing tooth, your floofy bent tail... all of it. I miss spooning with you at night. I miss watching you dart across the yard yelping at each corner because you can't pee fast enough to dart back to the other side. I miss your grunts and sighs. I miss your goofy stare - how intently you'd look at us. You were such a sweet little man... so stately. You had such a kind spirit.


Later that same week, we took your ashes and spread them along your path in the backyard - did you hear us yelping and barking as we did it? I'm sure the neighbors thought we had lost it! As painful as saying goodbye was, you know I wouldn't change our time with you for a second. I can still remember standing behind your daddy at the computer in our first apartment, looking at your puppy picture on the rescue agency's website. It was love at first sight. There was never much discussion when we got married... your daddy and I knew we'd have to have a dog. We adopted your sister, Belly, very soon after we got married. And we fell in love with you and brought you home later that same year. What a joy you were to us, buddy. Both your sisters loved you (even if Belly won't admit it) and we can tell they miss you. Belly is just now getting back to her old self. You were her security blanket. And I know Gertie really misses her wrestling partner. We all are missing a little piece of our heart because you took it with you when you left us. But we are so glad that you are in a better place, feeling good and running free of any pain or discomfort.


People have asked me if we're going to get another doggie. And I just smile... because, buddy, you know we never really intended to have three dogs. Life just kind of happened that way. So we're just going to stick with the two girls. It's amazing how different the atmosphere is without you... we're learning to adjust. But new dog or not, there's just no replacing you, buddy. You were something very special and we'll love you and miss you forever. I hope you know that. I find myself grabbing your collar every once in a while... closing my eyes and holding it up to my nose. It's the only thing we have left that is full of your sweet smell. To most people, it smells like a dirty dog. But to me, it's Charlie.

Missing you,

Your momma

All of the above photos were taken on the day we said goodbye to Charlie. He passed away in our home on Monday, June 21, 2010, licking peanut butter from the hub's fingers until his last breath.

Happy 4th (holiday)!

Hope everyone had a fabulous 4th weekend... we sure did! Been running around since I left work Thursday afternoon. But we had a great weekend with friends and the weather was perfect. Saturday night we had a neighborhood block party and I actually ran back to our house to grab a FLEECE once the sun went down. On July 3rd. Crazy! The hub ran the Peacthree Sunday morning while I stayed at home with the girls. Then we had a cookout over at our friends' house and watched the fireworks up here in Buford. All in all, a great weekend full of celebration.

I'm officially on a week-long staycation right now and loving it. I've got a few projects on my to-do list but honestly I'm just looking forward to a restful and relaxing week of pretty much nothing inparticular. Sounds dreamy, right? So I probably won't be on the 'puter much but I do need to get my final Charlie post up. I've been putting it off because I've just been busy or not in the right place to do it. We are doing lots better but still miss our boy so much. Thought about him lots this weekend because he was always SO terrified of fireworks. Honestly, I'm glad he wasn't here to witness all the boom-boom-pow while he was feeling awful. That might've done him in!

Enjoy this first week of July... I'll be back soon!

Missing my boy.

I don't usually post personal (people) pics on here, and don't really intend to change that... but I just love this picture. This was taken maybe a half hour or so before we said our final goodbyes to sweet Charlie. He was awfully sick Monday morning but after a couple of pain pills and some peanut butter, he had some energy to get outside for a bit and catch some sunshine.

I can't describe the pain I feel for this boy. I knew letting him go would be hard, but goodness it hurts. Monday night and all of yesterday was incredibly rough. I was constantly reminded of how much Charlie was a part of my routine at different parts of the day. There were traces of him everywhere. And coming home last night, knowing he wouldn't be there to greet me broke my heart again.

We miss him so, but of course are so grateful for the life he had with us and that he is not in pain anymore. I will write more on him later - there is so much to share. There's so much that I miss. But for now we're just trying to heal a bit. Thank you SO much for all your kind words and prayers. Every comment here and on twitter means a lot to me and the hub. We are hanging in there!

My buddy.

Charlie Heath Ledger Rogers

July 2003 - June 21, 2010

We love you, buddy.

Hosed.

Summer is Belly's favorite time of year... cuz Dad breaks out the water hose and kiddie pool. She's our water baby, that's for sure. The other two? Not so much. Gertie will occasionally wade in the pool, but Charlie will get as far away from the water as possible - if he's not inside, he's usually on the deck with his nose pressed against the door.

Charlie is doing great, by the way! He finally had some beautiful *normal* dog poo this weekend after a long week of not-normal dog poo. He hasn't thrown up since late last week and he's been eating well. He's still very very slow eating, but he eventually gets it done. And he takes his pills like a champ - probably because we coat them in peanut butter. But yeah, big improvement over last week, so we are hopeful that this past episode was really just that - an episode that's about over. Still keeping a close watch on our buddy, but we're grateful he's wagging that tail again! Thanks for the prayers!

Change of Plans

Today was supposed to be a let's-hurry-up-and-get-out-of-town Friday, but it has turned into a lazy Friday at home with the dogs. We had planned to head up to Knoxville this morning to visit the hub's parents for the weekend and we were really looking forward to the little getaway... but poor Charlie has been sick again this week. After taking him to the vet yesterday and changing up his meds some, we decided it'd be best to stay home and keep a close eye on him.

He has been sick on and off all week and very iffy about his food. Again, his #1 favorite thing in the world is food. So if he's not eating, we know it's bad. Of course we're always thinking, "is this it?" whenever he gets sick because his cancer could return at any time. The vet thinks his issues this week though may be the result of some ulcers forming in his stomach because of the combo of meds he's been on the last couple of months. With his new meds, we should know in a couple of days if it's something that'll clear up or if it's indeed the cancer coming back with a vengeance.

Like we've said from the beginning, we just want to keep him happy and comfortable as long as possible. We've already had the tough talk about our "plan" for him once the time comes. Ugh, that's such a not-fun topic. I hate thinking about our home without our fuzzy boy. I'm praying this is just ulcers or whatever - something that will go away after a couple of days. We know we're on borrowed time with him, but oh let's please just stretch it out a little longer, Lord!

Well speaking of Charlie... I've got to run and give him his morning dose of pills! Boy needs his own pill box for crying out loud.

Hope y'all have a fabulous Friday! I'm off - weeeee!!! Just enjoying some time at home with the hub and our silly pups.

5 Guardrails for Married People

Yay for Friday! It's been kind of a weird week here dog-wise. Three mornings this week began with cleaning up dog vomit. You know how moms' ears are attuned to hear baby cries? Mine are attuned to dogs up-chucking. I'm a pretty deep sleeper, but that'll wake me up in a second. Gertie started it off - Tuesday, I think. She was sick all day - constantly throwing up and couldn't keep anything down. We were terrified that she swallowed something bad and had a blockage. This girl's known to eat underwear, socks, wash rags, stuff out of the trash... She is a total scavenger and VERY sneaky. We keep doors closed to our closets, bathrooms, and the laundry room so she doesn't have access to any of these *tasty* treats, but once in a while she manages to get a hold of something. Laundry day is always a challenge with her. But luckily, she got better after 24 hours and is now back to her normal self.

Well on Wednesday, Charlie decided to start urping. Which of course sends us into a panic because we're especially sensitive to any change in him these days. And his whole sickness/surgery/cancer thing a couple of months ago all started with vomiting. Suddenly it looked like it all was coming back with a vengeance. He continued to vomit all day and again the next morning. We found ourselves in bed Thursday morning discussing our plans for when we'd ultimately have to put him down... just laying in bed with him crying. We were hanging on to hope that this was just a random tummy ache but couldn't help thinking "is this it?" Well, praise God, we haven't seen Charlie up-chuck since mid-morning yesterday (Thursday). And he started eating some again yesterday and has been much more of himself. So it's been over 24 hours... we're a little afraid to celebrate just yet, but he appears to be getting over whatever it was. Hang in there, buddy! Meanwhile, our oldest (Belly) is thinking, "what the hell is wrong with you dogs? Get it together and stop smellin' up my bedroom!"

Yeah, so we're glad to start the weekend with three happy dogs. And in other news, we're in the middle of this awesome new sermon series by Andy Stanley at church called "Guardrails." (My dog-vomit intro doesn't really lead into that so well, but whatever.) We all know what guardrails are - those ugly metal beams alongside the highway that keep you from running off the road and into danger. Well the whole premise of this series is establishing "guardrails" in different areas of your life to keep you from heading into dangerous or forbidden territory (i.e. screwing up your life). It's about making the conscious decision to define behaviors for yourself to keep you out of trouble and protect the relationships you have. Andy talks about how we have to be intentional with setting these standards for ourselves because we're always tempted to live right on the edge of disaster. So we need to set boundaries for ourselves - guardrails far from that real "line" we never want to cross - so that we never find ourselves up against it.

The series focuses on various areas where we all need guardrails - friendships, finances, and marriage. But I found the marriage piece SO fascinating. I've always said to the hub that there are just "certain things you don't do when you're married." I've never really defined that, but you know... there are just things you don't do cuz you're married. I'm sure a lot of my friends would disagree. But OMG don't you just love it when someone *official* (like your pastor) confirms something you've been saying or feeling all this time?

So Andy specifically laid out 5 guardrails for married folks. He also did a list for singles which is awesome, but I'm just focusing on the married right now. These are not found in the Bible anywhere... these are nothing but "standard operating procedures" for protecting your marriage. Guardrails are important in all the major areas of our lives, but Andy noted that establishing them to protect your sexual purity, whether you're married or single, is the most important. Because you can overcome a financial disaster and completely recover, but very rarely do people fully recover from an affair. So don't deceive yourself into thinking "this can never happen to us!" Be proactive in protecting your marriage and establish these boundaries for yourself. By doing so, you're making a decision. By not doing so, you're making a decision. I think these are awesome and totally on point, but I'm curious to know what y'all think. Here are the 5 guardrails for married couples...

(1) Don't travel alone with members of the opposite sex.
Andy talked about how he went out of his way not to do this (i.e. carpooling to work) even when it seemed convenient.

(2) Don't eat alone with members of the opposite sex.
This one is huge - Andy especially stressed the importance of this one. Throughout all the years he counseled couples struggling with infidelity, he said ALL but one relationship/affair began here. "Oh let's grab a coffee... let's get lunch..." And yes, there are times when you'll find yourself in one of these situations unexpectedly. It's OK, you don't have to scream "NO!" and run out of the restaurant. Just take a minute to phone your spouse and tell them what's going on.

(3) Don't hire cute members of the opposite sex because you want to help them.
That one of course got a good laugh from the audience. You've seen too many movies not to know where this leads... Don't deceive yourself into thinking you're "helping" them. Get them help, but don't hire them.

(4) Don't confide in or counsel members of the opposite sex.
So true... doesn't take a genius to know that's dangerous ground.

(5) When you feel your heart or desire drifting toward a specific person, tell someone.
Whether it's a sister, a best friend, a small group member... tell someone. Someone who will hold you accountable.

I'm sure some of you think these might be a bit extreme... but what wouldn't you be willing to do (or not do) to protect your marriage? You certainly wouldn't *regret* adopting these guardrails. It's not as though having coffee with another man or woman is a sin... it's about drawing a line for yourself and choosing not to cross it. It's important to know your spouse's guardrails - so you can hold him or her accountable! And you also want to be comfortable with your spouse's guardrails. But ladies, think about it... if you knew your husband set these boundaries for himself, how awesome would that make you feel?

It's an incredible series overall, but I definitely encourage y'all to go check out this specific sermon that goes over the guardrails for marrieds and singles. Andy does a MUCH better job selling the idea than I do. Hop over here and click on the yellow square for "Guardrails." The 5/2/10 message, "Flee Baby Flee," is the one you want. You can also download a podcast version. Have a listen and let me know your thoughts!

And have a fabulous weekend, all! Later...

Happy New Year! Wait, what?!

I can't believe it's May already.  Which makes it seriously ridiculous that I'm just now getting around to posting about our 2010 goals.  How about that for procrastination?  The first quarter of every year is just spent in a fog, so I feel like I'm only now able to spread my wings.  My "real" year's just getting started!

 

But before I move on, let me first say how grateful I am for all the sweet comments you guys left on my last post.  Your encouraging words are so heartfelt and I just soak them all up!  Thank you!  I'm not a big "talker" in the real world - never have been - so I really use bloggy world to express a lot of my funk.  It's super therapeutic for me and if it helps someone else out? Hey, bonus.  I suppose it's pretty easy to be open and honest when hiding behind a keyboard.  Most of y'all don't *really* know me - I mean I don't share personal photos on here (of people anyway) and don't use my real name.  Though it's not hard to figure out and a lot of my friends and fam have stumbled upon me here, so I always post bearing in mind that anyone I know could be reading.  I'd be stupid not too.  But really, I just find it so much easier and comfortable to express myself through writing than speaking.  I wish I was better at the latter, but whatev.

 

Anyway, so 2010, huh?  Well, as most of you know, the hub and I are in the midst of our "Total Money Makeover" a la Dave Ramsey.  Still on baby step #2, paying off all of our consumer debt (everything but the house, that is).  Totally need to update our progress on my sidebar because those numbers are obviously way old.  We've made some serious strides over the last 19 months but it just feels like we're going at a snail's pace right now.  Truthfully, we haven't had a "normal" (for us) income since we started this gig.  We've been rolling on approximately 50-60% of the income we had grown accustomed to beforehand.  So from day 1, we had to do a total about-face on the way we handled money.  Insert major behavior changes and the dreaded budget!  It's been a hard 19 months, but we have learned so many life lessons and are SO the better for it.  As I sit here typing in my $10 consignment store skirt (thanks, Mom!), I can't help but laugh at the old me and how much I've changed.  I'm still me and I still love the same things - that doesn't change!  This girl loves her stuff, that's for sure.  But my worldview is entirely different.  Simply, I've grown up.  And I could go on for miles about all this but anyway, that's where we are right now in that process.  So our debt snowball is rolling - slowly, but it's rolling.  And therefore two of our big goals this year are (1) to find a full-time job for the hub where he can really take off, and (2) to have our snowball down to our one last consumer debt by the end of the year (that big beast - the hub's student loan).  Right now it feels as though we're chipping away at our debt with a spoon.  The crappy plastic kind that breaks if you try to take too big of a bite.  But by the time we get to that last debt on the list, we'll be hammering away with a freakin' shovel.  Can't wait!

 

Our third big goal for this year?  Make a baby.  My mother has affectionately told me to "get on with it."  So we're kind of working through that right now and trying to figure out what to do.  All kinds of factors come into play here... one minute I'm ready, the next I'm not.  There's a lot of fear there because we're not comfortable where we are financially today (in terms of adding another mouth to feed).  So just pray that the hub and I can continue to lean on the Lord and seek his wisdom here.

 

We also have all kinds of other little goals and wishes for 2010, but those are our big three.  My parents got us this adorable wooden Christmas advent calendar a couple of years ago.  So while putting away our Christmas decorations earlier this year, we decided to write down our goals and wishes for the New Year and tuck each of them into one of the days on the calendar.  When we pull everything back out this December, we'll get to look back at our goals and see how far we've come. 

 

As with every new year, ups and downs come that were never a part of the plan.  We certainly never imagined the hub would still be out of work at this point.  But I never imagined we could *survive* this long with him out of work either.  God has been truly amazing... and now I really see that decision we made 19 months ago to start tithing - no matter what - coming to fruition.  We handed over control of "our" money to God that day and never looked back.  It seems mathematically stupid and irresponsible on paper.  But the peace that comes with it is absolutely priceless.  And we're not one of these couples saying, "oh God will provide so we're just going to sit here and wait."  On what, the government?  Geez.  God gave us an ass so we could work it off!  We'll get there.  But really, God has provided like we never would've believed.  He is ever faithful and reaffirms that trust everyday...  and it's with that trust that we keep plugging along, knowing we'll eventually get there.

 

And of course our other scare this year has been sweet Charlie's cancer.  The thought of losing him never entered our thoughts when thinking about 2010!  In a few days, he will be at his 2-month prognosis mark...  and the boy is still doing great.  He did give us a fright yesterday morning when he threw up his dinner from the night before.  That's how it all started the first time.  My heart just started racing when I heard him throwing it up.  I was half asleep, but I woke the hub up and had him turn on the lights in our bedroom.  Charlie had thrown up a full meal, but I also found some pieces of what looked like part of a plastic bag and other not-normal stuff.  He's not one to get into trash (unless it's food), so this was odd.  We have a theory on how he ate it, but I'll spare you the details (not all of his habits are cute).  Anyway, we were hoping it was just an isolated incident where he swallowed something that didn't agree with him.  So we've kept a close eye on him since then and he hasn't thrown up again.  And he seems to feel fine!  And extremely eager to eat everything in sight - which is par for the course with him.  But yeah, this whole situation with Charlie has been a tough one.  Our three doggies are everything to us.  I know they won't always be with us, but I can't imagine our little world without any of them.  They're each so different and so special in their own silly way. 

 

So far 2010 has been a rather frustrating year... but it's not over!  And honestly my tax season schedule does NOT help with that - anything frustrating is made exponentially moreso because all I live and breathe is work for that 3+ months.  So here's to better and brighter days from here on out!  I still hold out great hope for this year.  For now, I'm trying to get back on track with God - on a daily basis, that is - rather than just waving at him from across the street every now and then.  Which is totally where I've been lately.  I'm constantly having to remind myself to take it one day at a time.  To prepare for tomorrow but not to worry about it.  I have my freak-out moments every now and then but I'm generally not a worrier.  But it is a daily decision not to worry... a daily prayer.

 

OK did this get depressing somehow?  Wasn't supposed to.  I think there's a lot of fabulous left to unfold in 2010!  I'm just having to sift through a bunch of muckity muck before I find it.  I hope this year brings many blessings - whatever they look like - to all of you.  So here's a late toast to the New Year... CHEERS!

Can't keep a good dog down.

The hub took Charlie back to the vet this morning for another follow-up visit and to pick up his new meds.  Charlie got a fabulous report!  The vet was bewildered at how well he had recovered from surgery - he just shows NO signs of being a sick dog.  And while his prognosis was as short as 2 months, there's still that *unknown* factor.  He could be our furry little miracle dog, who knows.  Not getting our hopes up, but like we've been saying... as long as his tail is wagging, so is ours.  He has gained 3 pounds, is crazy as ever (as evidenced by the pics on my last post) and is eating like a champ.  We're incredibly grateful that he's feeling so good and we remain hopeful that it will last a long, long time.  Thanks for all the prayers!  Hope y'all have a great week... 

It's a brand new day, and I'm feeling good.

Just soakin' it all in...

My buddy.

I am loving all your sweet comments and prayers!  And so is Charlie.  He is doing so, so great.  We can gladly say that he has fully recovered from his surgery - the boy is eating everything in sight and is just plain *happy*.  And nothing makes his momma happier!  So on that end, we are just so grateful that he is feeling good and back to his old self.  (And so is Gertie - she has her wrestling partner back.)

 

As for an update on his cancer, we made some decisions late last week.  The hub took him back to the vet to have his stitches removed and was able to go over everything with the doctor and learn more.  (Again - very thankful for the hub handling all of the vet visits and whatnot - I would be a blubbering mess and they'd have to muzzle me!)  We were initially thinking we were going to move forward with chemo.  But after talking with the doctor, we have decided not to do chemo or any other "treatment."  As I mentioned, Charlie's cancer is very, very aggressive and we learned he's way off the scale of being a good candidate for chemo.  They could do it, but it will come back.  It may delay it some, but it will come back.  They say doggies actually handle chemo better than humans generally do, but we still don't want to put him through any unnecessary discomfort.  After being asked what she'd do if Charlie was her dog, the vet said she would not do the chemo.  We're instead going to go on the defense by giving him Benadryl daily (from here on out) and he'll also be starting another medication this week that should help ward off tumors from returning as quickly.  The tumors are all related to some kind of allergic reaction that ultimately develops into a growth - yeah, I have no idea how to explain it.  I can't do the medical lingo, much less understand it, so that's my best interpretation.

 

Who knows...  it could come back in a month.  Or maybe we'll be successful and can keep him tumor-free for a year or more.  There's just no way of knowing, but we definitely feel good about our decision.  And I'm feeling much better about it all simply because he's feeling so good right now.  I love seeing him all happy and playful, so I'm just trying to soak up all those moments.  I don't know how many more nights I'll have to spoon with my buddy, but I'm loving every minute I have with him now.

 

Thanks again for all the prayers - keep 'em coming!

Update on Charlie

Sorry for the long pause between updates, but it's been a long week here.  Sweet Charlie has been recovering really well from his surgery last week.  His vigorous appetite is most definitely back and his plumbing appears to be in working order!  Never been so glad to see dog poo in my life.  Everyday he's getting stronger - he's not quite up to dashing across the yard, but he's getting there.  So glad to see him happy and feeling good again...

 

Late Monday, however, we got word from the vet that his tumor is some kind of very aggressive cancer.  Like a 10 out of 10 on a scale of being bad.  We knew this was a possibility of course, but seeing him recover so quickly - especially getting his appetite back - had us believing he was going to be just fine.  So that was very scary news to hear - and even scarier not knowing what the future holds for our little guy.  The vet wanted to have a specialist examine the tumor to see if her suspicions were correct.  Tuesday we were told that it almost certainly will come back, and maybe even as soon as a few weeks.  Now we're talking about chemo options and what to do, or what not to do.  We obviously can't do more surgeries - that's not a fix for this and we just can't put him through that. 

 

Right now we're in the process of learning what can be done, what all's involved, and how it will make Charlie feel.  However long he is with us, our biggest concern is that he is happy and feeling good.  I wish we could explain to him what is going on.  So we have some decisions to make... there are no guarantees with chemo, but if successful he could have several more years.  If we don't treat this, they only give him 1 or 2 months.  And that is heartbreaking to think about.

 

So please just say a prayer for Charlie's health, his happiness, and for us as we're making some tough decisions.  We're praying for wisdom here and peace with whatever comes.  It's been a really tough week with lots of tears.  I was telling the hub yesterday that I can't remember a time when I've cried so much (y'all know I'm not a crier).  Don't tell the girls, but it's no secret to anyone that Charlie's my "favorite."  He's my buddy. 

 

Thanks for keeping up and I'll update y'all again when we know more...

Charlie's home!

Still waiting on lab results on the tumor, but our goofy fuzzball is back home.  We're keeping him crated so he can rest up and not be bothered by his crazy sisters.  Can't wait to get home and love on him!