Thank God Vera Bradley bags are washable.

It's Friday and I'm at work. WTF?  Haha...  I know, boo hoo, right?!  But it does take a little getting used to after having 4-day work weeks all summer!  So today started off kinda crappy - literally in fact.  One of our doggies decided to have a poo party all over our bedroom while we were sleeping.  I thought I detected a faint poo smell when I got up (in the dark), but quickly dismissed it because Gertie was dropping fart bombs all over the place last night. 

 

Yeah well, after coming back upstairs from breakfast I was suddenly enlightened to the fact that somebody left us a poo-poo platter all over the floor and most notably, atop my two Vera Bradley bags that were sitting on the floor.  And this was no neat little pile of poo, dear readers.  I'll spare you any more details - but it was nast.  So picture me and the hub at 7:30 am, hosing down my Vera Bradley travel bags in the backyard.  Then I immediately tossed them in the wash. Grody with a capital STANK.

 

I got up what could be gotten up off the floor with paper towels, and the hub followed up with our kick-ass steam cleaner vacuum thingee.  It is a miracle worker and a must for pet owners... probably kid owners too.  And I'd tell you what it's called if I knew.  I'll find out. 

 

Yeah so that was my morning... but it quickly got better because we paid off another credit card today!  Woo hooooo!  It was the one we were gonna do last month but it got put on the back burner after I decided to run into a truck with my car.  Well, it all worked out swimmingly...  and we were able to make it happen.  So that's a great kick-off to the weekend.  We're really trying to knock out what we can because once we get pregnant, we will have to put the whole debt snowball on hold and start stashing away cash.

 

And yeah, speaking of babies... no I ain't got one yet.  That's right, I said "ain't."  We went to my RE yesterday and I took a blood test, which was negative.  Fully expected it to be negative, but given that Flo was 4 days late as of yesterday, I was still holding onto a shred of hope.  No such luck, though.  My doctor said I'm late because of all the damn progesterone I'm on.  He doubled me up this cycle, so yeah - I suppose it's a lot. 

 

So the plan of attack now is to do the 3rd IUI cycle on Femara/Letrozole instead of Clomid.  He thinks (and hopes) it's the Clomid that's causing my thin lining issue.  Apparently Femara, which is actually a breast cancer drug that my mom was on for 5 years (strange!), works very much like Clomid but doesn't have some of the nasty side effects.  One being the thinning of the lining.  So hopefully this will be our answer to that issue.  My doctor has a few other tricks up his sleeve regarding my lining if this switch-up doesn't do the job.  But if we ultimately can't get the lining where it needs to be, I may be SOL.  And that hit me pretty hard yesterday.  

 

This whole week has just been crap.  Ups and downs - am I pregnant, am I not...  and now wondering if it will *ever* work after going through two surgeries and spending thousands of dollars.  It's just a lot.  I know I generally have a great outlook on the whole thing, but I certainly have my days/weeks/what have you.  And this is one of those weeks.  It's one of those weeks where I'm just angry at the world.  Not at God... never ever have been angry at him for this.  He's the only thing getting me through this afterall.  But just bitter, you know.  Hating on all the damn fertiles out there that pass their husbands too closely in the hallway and get pregnant.  Hating them for not getting what this feels like.  Even feeling bitterness towards friends with kids sometimes because they don't freaking get it.  And I know all that is crap - but I'm just being honest.  Of course none of them are to blame.  You just get in these ruts sometimes and you feel very alone in the world.

 

But I won't stay in my rut for long.  We've been at this for almost four years now, but I know the wait for some has been much longer.  So I'm not going to complain, though I will have my days to whine and moan y'know.  More than anything, I just keep praying for patience and peace and the ability to continue to trust in God's plan and not our own.  We're doing everything we can do down here, but ultimately, we're waiting on God.  And yes, I know he has a plan for us - I really do.  It's the only way we keep plugging along.  But still, hearing, "God has a plan for you" over and over from friends and family gets flat out annoying.  I realize that's hardly fair... am I contradicting myself or what?  But it's true...  I think the same goes for any struggle or sorrow someone's going through.  Yeah, God has a plan and he's using this for something - I know that.  But I don't need *you* to tell me that.  I don't need to hear how your brother's best friend's wife struggled with infertility and had 3 failed IVF attempts before finally getting pregnant on her own.  Don't need your stories.  I just need you to say "this SUCKS" and "I love you" and "I HATE this for you" and then shut your mouth.  And I'm so not talking to anyone inparticular... I'm just flat out talking to the world. 

 

Man!  Can you sense my craptastic mood this week or what?  I'm on a LOT of hormones, forgive me.  Hell, I'm glad it's Friday!  A low-key weekend is just what I need to get me back in gear.  Oh and a nurse just called and left me a message to call her back but gave me no details.... so now I'm like, what does that mean?  Of course I start running all these scenarios through my head like, "Oh honey, we got your blood results mixed up - you ARE pregnant!"  Um, yeah right, but it's fun to imagine. 

 

OK big promises to come back on the other side with a MUCH better attitude and less ranting!  But thanks for hearing me out, girls.  Getting this stuff out helps a lot.  Love y'all!  Hope you have fantastic weekends!