So I have to say this basal body temp thing totally fascinates me. Why I brushed it off before, I have no idea. I guess the thought of having to remember to take my temp every morning didn't appeal to me. But hello, it's free, and of course... my chart is the freaking poster child for how it works. Of course! But really, that's a good thing because I can toss those expensive ovulation predicter kits. Anyway, so I completed my first cycle with success recording my temps everyday (translation: I started today, so forgive my foul mood). I knew it was coming as I noticed my temp starting to drop. And when I saw a bunch of my facebook friends filling out the "mommy survey" and I wanted to throw cement blocks at the computer screen, I really knew it was coming. I especially love the first question: "Was your first pregnancy planned?" Vomit.
Speaking of, CB is preggers. And until she revealed the news to her fam recently, I was the sole person who knew about it (besides her and her husband of course). Now, as I've said many times, I don't want my friends to ever feel like they have to tip-toe around me for fear of hurting me with their own happy news.... but it's still a bit of a punch in the gut, no matter what. But here's my real dilemma... I'm pretty confident she's expecting me to offer to host a shower for her. So that's where I'm stuck. I feel compelled to offer. Which, all things being equal, I would normally jump at because, hello, I LOVE throwing parties. But in case you don't know, we prego-challenged effing hate baby showers. It's the ultimate celebration of everything you can't have. Baby stuff exploding everywhere followed by "ooohs" and "ahhhs" and the inevitable mommy club discussions comparing labor experiences and breast feeding challenges. Now I won't speak for all prego-challenged because I wasn't always like this. Never thought I'd hate baby showers (I used to LOVE them)... but time wears on you. No matter how positive I generally may be about the whole thing, there are certain things I try to separate myself from and I think that's OK. No matter how at peace I am with where we are when we're in our own little world, baby showers and kids' parties are like flashing billboards reminding me that I've been left behind. I always put on a brave face when I'm forced into these situations, but I do try to avoid them.
So what should I do? I would rather suck it up and host one than hurt her feelings. So I'm guessing, knowing myself, that I'll eventually break down and offer it up. Kuntry bride and Lucky said I should just lay low for a bit and wait it out. Maybe someone else will host one. But how long can I wait? She's right at 3 months. (And keep in mind that I'm a planner... I like to "book" things way in advance.) I thought about offering to host a couple's shower... at least then it would be more of a party mood vs. a traditional baby shower that would be over-the-top oooey goooey. Thoughts?!
Again - sorry for the woe-is-me crap post! Just one of "those" days. I hope y'all have a fabulous Friday! I get to wear jeans today and that always put me in a better mood - why is that?! It totally does though. And sorry I've been so slack catching up on your blogs lately - as I mentioned, my work banned us from blogger, so my bloggy time has been kinda sparse. And after staring at 4 computer screens (yep, 4) for 10+ hours each day, the last thing I wanna do once I get home is get on the 'puter. But I'm still managing to hop on here and there! Well have a wonderful weekend, all! I promise I'll come back with a better 'tude. ;-)
21 comments:
We use NFP, and I swear it is the best invention ever! I love looking at my chart everyday and *knowing* what is happening with my body.
I think you should throw it. It may not seem so bad if you are the host. You can control what types of decorations are used, etc etc.
I thought of you when they announced that the awful woman that just had 8 babies had 6 more at home. I don't think its fair that people like her get to abuse the fact that they can reproduce, when there are good people like you struggling to have a baby!
Wow what a sticky situation! I would just try to be the friend I would want if the situation were reveresed, you know, if you were the one expecting a baby, how would you want CB to act? You'll feel better about yourself knowing you were the better friend. Just my two cents for what they are worth. Anyway, I'll be praying for you and your fertility journey, good luck!
You are not alone in feeling that way. I am in the same boat as you. If I thought that I had to throw a baby shower, I would be miserable! I would do it, but it would be painful for me. There is a girl in my office that is 21 weeks right now. I am trying to be super supportive, and I am truly so happy for her. It's just hard not to be jealous, especially because she is 8 years younger than me.
I have days in Target when I look around and everyone is pregnant and young. I have seen more pregnant teenagers in the last two weeks and it just makes me furious. I am sure that it has everything to do with the fact that I want a child more than anything in the world right now.
Great post!
I am so sorry you even have to think about all of this! I wouldn't do that to yourself, and I would talk to her. If she is close enough to have you throw a shower and tell you first, she should be close enough to know better than to put you through this. I guess I am overly sensitive and therefore overly considerate of other people being sensitive about things. If you feel you can't tell her I would lay low and not mention a shower. You shouldn't do that to yourself!
I feel ya! I am begining to hate wedding showers and engagement parties! I feel left behind. I would go with the couples shower. Men would not like to be in an enviroment where everything is googoo gaga!
I feel ya! I am begining to hate wedding showers and engagement parties! I feel left behind. I would go with the couples shower. Men would not like to be in an enviroment where everything is googoo gaga!
Can you host the shower someplace besides your home? I always use this precious little tea room for such things. That way you are on a time limit so that there isn't an hour of story-telling besides the eating and opening of gifts. It might cut down on all those things that hurt so much about this whole situation.
You know I am glad you vent about this...I have a friend who is having a really hard time conceiving and I know it is hard for her to be around the kids sometimes -- this helps me have more insight into how she may be feeling.
I had a few miscarriages before we had our 2 kids. & then we started doing the whole temps/charting thing. And wouldn't you know - the one cycle that I was really lax about charting was the one where I got pregnant;) Good luck!
aww I hate this for you BB! If you are anything like me you will end throw the shower whether you really want to or not ... just bc you feel its the right thing to do. HOWEVER I DEFINITELY think that you should do a couples shower - those are more fun anyways. The men will def. not make a big deal out of pink or blue bonnets and you can hang with them. Plus you can serve alcohol - just bc the mom-to-be can't drink doesn't mean the rest of you can't. Maybe it will take the edge off :) I think that is a win-win!
if she's a good friend, she'll understand that hosting (much less attending) a babyshower (even if it is for her) is A LOT for you to handle. You're okay to bow out in my eyes.
kHm
A few things:
1. You are a GREAT writer. Seriously. I'm not necessarily a good one, but I do like it - so, can you and I co-author "the girlfriends guide to STRUGGLING to get preggo?" Let's discuss because I am serious.
2. I HATE BABY SHOWERS and am about to jump off my sofa just reading this out of my enthusiasm in agreeing with you. So much so that I've said on numerous occasions that I will NOT have one when/if my time comes simply because I don't want anyone to have to be put through all that crap. As for your situation - I'm assuming this is a first baby? If it's not, then you definitely do NOT have to offer. I think baby showers for 2nd babies are tacky, but that's just me. If it's the first one, I honestly would just lay low and really wouldn't feel guilty about not offering. Heck, I wouldn't feel guilty about not going. We had someone give us some really good advice recently: That you just realize there are people and situations that you simply can't be around during this season, and that it's OK...I'd need more info on y'alls relationship to really discuss further..but if you need permission and freedom to NOT, then consider yourself given it...
Do not throw the shower!! It is not worth it to do that to yourself. I would say something to her about it being hard for you to go to baby events. Maybe talk about another friend- make one up if you need to- to use as an example of how difficult it is to be in that atmosphere. Maybe you could offer to take her out to lunch, just the two of you, for a little pre-baby girly time?
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the oh-so-clever title of your entry! No advice, but best of luck with your ongoing efforts!
I don't think you should have to throw her a shower. If you were my friend I would be sensitive to you. Maybe you could just talk to her about it. I had a friend who couldn't have children that completely cut me off and withdrew from me when I was starting my family and I wish she had told me what it was. Instead she waited about 15 years. Sometimes its hard to see someone else's pain when you are in bliss. But if you tell her hopefully she will understand. I'm sending prayers and good thoughts your way.
I say wait and see if someone else comes forward, and if you still feel compelled to throw it (because you are an amazingly wonderful person) go with a couples shower! But don't be afraid to mention your hesitations to her, if she's a true friend she'll understand. You should be able to share with her too, it's not just a one-way street!
I am a huge fan of the BBT. It took me a few months to figure it out. Duh... I thought I was smarter than a chart. I don't know why I thought I could follow the numbers in the hundredths.
As for the shower, I say you wait. I think throwers (you and others who like to host) jump in and offer right away, but if we wait, others will do it. I think you'd be surprised. It's still early.
And, if you do host, my vote is a couples shower. Rarely do people discuss breastfeeding when men are around, regardless of how progressive said men tend to be.
I am so sorry for your current situation and willkeep you in my prayers that GOD will grant you your wish.. I Can't imagine the how uncomfortable situations can be but know I am thinking of you.. Keep the faith sweet "BETTY"!
If she is a TRUE TRUE friend...then I think you should be honest and say how hard it would be for you to ooh and aah over all the baby wares. If she is YOUR BEST friend then I think you have to realize that this is not about you, but about her new little one and try to find a friend to share in the shower planning with you. In any case, a lot can change in the next 6m and I hope it is all wonderful for you.
My sister just had a baby about a year after my hysterectomy. She is 43. I was so upset and my gf was like "it isn't about you" and then when the baby was born of course I love him. So maybe a welcoming baby party would be better? Hugs and prayers to you.
Just found your blog, LOVE IT! I really don't think that you need to host a baby shower. Your friend SHOULD understand.
Never apologize good lord I understand!!! When I was gearing up to do in vitro again I decided to host an online shower for preggy bloggers. I was slightly bitter about having to do in vitro when people just Bam! Get pregnant. And I was sooooooo sick of people telling me stories about how their friends adopted or did in vitro and them Bam! Got pregnant! Shut the hell up I say! So I did the shower and next month BAM I was pregnant! I think doing a shower for her can only put good karma in the bank for you! Let us know what you decide!
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