Missing my boy.

I don't usually post personal (people) pics on here, and don't really intend to change that... but I just love this picture. This was taken maybe a half hour or so before we said our final goodbyes to sweet Charlie. He was awfully sick Monday morning but after a couple of pain pills and some peanut butter, he had some energy to get outside for a bit and catch some sunshine.

I can't describe the pain I feel for this boy. I knew letting him go would be hard, but goodness it hurts. Monday night and all of yesterday was incredibly rough. I was constantly reminded of how much Charlie was a part of my routine at different parts of the day. There were traces of him everywhere. And coming home last night, knowing he wouldn't be there to greet me broke my heart again.

We miss him so, but of course are so grateful for the life he had with us and that he is not in pain anymore. I will write more on him later - there is so much to share. There's so much that I miss. But for now we're just trying to heal a bit. Thank you SO much for all your kind words and prayers. Every comment here and on twitter means a lot to me and the hub. We are hanging in there!

My buddy.

Charlie Heath Ledger Rogers

July 2003 - June 21, 2010

We love you, buddy.

Summer Concert Series

OK so I just heard from the hub - sounds like we are definitely on for the concert tonight. This is the 3rd of a month-long series of free concerts at a neighborhood/community up here called Sterling on the Lake. We went a couple of weeks ago to the '80's night one and it was so fun! You can bring in coolers, chairs, and whatnot - some people go all out with tents and tables. Only cost is a $5 per car parking fee. Each concert has a theme - tonight's is country. I'm not a huge country fan, but our friends sure are. It'll be fun. They have a great amphitheatre area on a big lawn, so it's a great casual venue for an outdoor concert. Tons of kids there and doggies are welcome too!

So if you're up in the Gwinnett area, definitely check it out. It's a fun, cheap evening for the whole fam. Tonight is kuntry and then next week (the last one for the year) is Motown.

Hmm... guess I'll have to shower afterall.

Look Mom, No Hands!

Aw, bust.

That's my high-flying husband. We were on the lake last Sunday - had a great time! Everyone was wake boarding, but I was just sitting pretty eating my Moo Goo snacks and soaking up the sun (a la SPF 45 of course). No rigorous exercise for me, thanks. And slamming my body into the water at high speeds sounds a bit rigorous.

No lake this weekend, but it's a fun one. Last night we had our couples' small group over for an in-home cooking class with a professional chef. SO fun! And hello, we got all the leftovers! Didn't even think about that when we volunteered to host, but hey... bonus! Of course, I can't have any of them - ha. But the hub's happy. Y'all would be so proud... I mean we are talking all these fabulous appetizers (our class was just a bunch of different appetizers) and like 75% of them involved cheese. Sad! But I was good. I brought out my own Moo Goo friendly crackers so I could have some hummus and fruit salsa. And there were a couple of meat dishes I could partake in - some flank steak skewers and some teriyaki chicken wings. Ugh, and she made this delicious looking Sangria (y'all know how I love me some Sangria!) and I had to stick with my room-temp water. Boring, but I managed. It was such a fun time anyway though. And our small group also declared that for our next meeting we're all bringing Moo Goo friendly snacks (we all bring an appetizer/dish to share at group meetings)! So sweet! Guess it'll be lots of meat... ha!

Though I have discovered that I can have corn tortillas. I'm not a big fan of them, but hey - that means I can have enchiladas and I guess hard taco shells too. Finding all the things I can eat at a Mexican restaurant has been essential. Anyway, so I bought stuff to make enchiladas and I think we'll give that a go tonight.

Tomorrow we're putting together a Greek-themed menu for Father's Day. My parents are coming over for dinner. I'm going to attempt Baklava for dessert - I found what looks like a really good, simple recipe. Working with filo dough is the hardest part! I think I'll have to try a small bite once I make it... I mean, the dough is paper thin and all. Just a bite though!

Alright... gotta put together my grocery list and get moving. Feels so good to have a clean house today and not have to worry about any of that! We may go to a free concert tonight with some friends... I'm not sure what the plan is. But if that doesn't pan out, I'm totally cool with chillin' a la casa tonight too. Shoot, I may not even shower. *Gasp!*

Food Fantasies

Man, my Moo Goo will was really tested over the last few days!  I was out of the office for CPE (continuing ed) on Thursday and Friday.  So I was confronted with all kinds of goodies...  delicious breakfast buffets full of savory biscuits and other cheese-covered goodness.  Bagels and all kind of breakfast pastries and muffins.  Coffee bar!  You should know that days at CPE are those that I drink more coffee than any other day of the year.  So I was stuck with fruit and water. 

 

Lunch was the hardest.  We eat in a big banquet room and are served a plated meal.  So our salads are already sitting out when we're seated.  Can't eat salads... so I'm just like twiddling my thumbs and hoping no one's really noticing that I'm not touching mine.  The main course is doable... it's usually a meat and at least some veggies.  The second day was a filet with veggies and polenta - sweet!  I could eat it all!  Except for the cheese mess on top of the filet.  I of course had to pass on the dessert each day - which is just sitting there behind my plate during the entire meal, staring me in the face!  Luckily, neither dessert from either day really did it for me.  So I wasn't missing much!  (I'm really weird about desserts - there are only a few I like.)  But not getting to eat certain things at lunch wasn't hard - it was the attention that I hated!  "Do you not like salad?"  Yep, I knew that was coming, so off I went explaining my Moo Goo diet to a near stranger.  It's funny - some people are totally fascinated by it and others look at me like I just told them I'm thinking about joining the circus.

 

Oh but the worst?  The afternoon snacks!  OMG.  First day they had ginormous cookies.  Not too hard to pass up, but next to those?  This gorgeous tiered display of all these fab cheeses.  I could live on cheese alone - this was killing me.  Goat cheese, gouda, brie, bleu cheese, and everything in between... Lord help me.  But I was good.  I passed on it.  And the second day?  Giant baked pretzels with mustard.  Those are fun, but easily passed.  But then...  ice cream.  Freaking Ben & Jerry's ice cream.  Are you kidding me?  Once again... I ate fruit and sipped on my room temperature water.

 

This weekend we also had a party to go to and party food has always been my weakness!  Chips and dip...  bring it!  But there are very few chips I can eat.  They have to be all natural, etc.  And dips?  Yeah, considering most are made with some form of dairy, there's few of those I can pig out on too.  So really, Moo Goo is not all that bad - all of my true "weaknesses" when it comes to food have pretty much been nixed from my diet.  BUT the party hosts happened to have crackers that I *can* eat along with hummus and guacamole (both of which I can eat!)... that was such a fun surprise!  And the main feast was BBQ, which I can also eat my fair share of...  I know the sauce and whatnot most definitely has some sugar and other crap I'm not really supposed to have, but I honestly don't get that severe with it.  So I was able to gobble up some BBQ pork, baked beans, and potato salad.  Had to pass on the flowing wine (swoon) and brownies and ice cream for dessert (double swoon).  But I had a full belly - I was happy.

 

So yeah, I find that challenges really come when I'm not in control of the food.  But I'm dealing - it's all good.  And I feel great, so it's all worth it.  Plus, I'm picking up some new recipes!  We tried out a great turkey meatloaf recipe last week.  Loved it!  I went by the book but for the bread crumbs (used oats instead and you totally can't tell!).  And I tried a black bean cake recipe.  It was OK, but I was missing some of the ingredients.  I'm going to keep experimenting with those - I think I can find a really good one.  If y'all have one, do share!  A lot of them call for sweet potatoes, so I want to try one of those.  Oh!  And I also made chicken salad for the first time ever!  Not hard, just never had actually done it before!  It turned out great - I truly surprised myself.  I just boiled chicken, shredded it and mixed it with some light mayo, celery seed (I can't do raw veggies, so seeds it is), black pepper, sunflower seeds, and some bacon.  It was great!

 

Not to pat my own back, but pat pat!  I am doing great sticking to this diet.  Which surprises this food-obsessed girl!  Many people have asked if the hub is doing it along with me.  He definitely offered but I told him no way - that is silly.  Plus, his needs are different from mine.  This diet is specially geared for me and my issues/needs.  But he has given up the coffee.  Our poor Keurig is collecting dust right now!  I've been on the hunt for some teas but haven't found any decaf varieties yet that really appeal to me.  Any suggestions out there?

 

And one thing I find oddly fun and strangely satisfying is discussing food fantasies with the hub.  We'll just be driving somewhere and I'll randomly say, "OK I want a mint cookies n' cream milkshake from Steak and Shake.  YES!  OK as soon as we get pregnant and are in the 'safe zone' I am having a mint oreo milkshake!"  When do I ever eat milkshakes?  Um, never.  Talk about a calorie buster.  But I just keep coming up with these off-the-wall food items that I decide I must have.  So I've started a food fantasy list and it looks something like this...

 

- The obvious mint cookies n' cream milkshake from Steak and Shake, sans whip cream and cherry (those take away from it, if you ask me)

- A big ole bottle of my favorite wine, Nobilo Sauvignon Blanc, chilled to perfection

- All the corner pieces from a pan of Ghirardelli Dark Chocolate Brownies (best brownies in the world!!!!)

- Cheese dip and a big carafe of red Sangria from La Paz all to myself

- A Carvel chocolate ice cream cake (Not sure when or why that one came up!  Random!)

- A big pitcher of frozen margaritas and fajita nachos at our local dirty Mexican joint

 

And the list keeps growing...  it seems to revolve around cheese, alcohol, and chocolate.  Haven't had any coffee fantasies.  Guess I don't miss it all that much!  Ha!  So what's your food fantasy?  What's that one thing you can't have because of diet restrictions or illness or whatever that sounds like pure heaven?  A girl can dream...

Three Cheers for Moo Goo!

I had acupuncture session #5 yesterday afternoon.  This time Dr. Liu put needles in my belly!  Craziness.  She was talking a lot about how opposite the needs for men and women are.  Women need warmth.  Men need cold.  Women who live in warmer climates live longer.  The opposite is true for men.  Those pesky monthly cycles?  They actually prolong our lives, girls.  Because we're continually "cleaning out" our systems.  Even diet needs are so different for men and women.  Yesterday she mentioned oysters...  good for men, bad for women (well, good thing I don't care for them).  And she also told me to eat fresh pineapple the day before and the day of ovulation.  It's full of enzymes that help an embryo implant.  Perhaps this is why the pineapple is the international symbol of welcoming?  Ha... maybe.

 

I'm so, so fascinated by Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) right now.  I'm finishing up The Infertility Cure (finally) and I'm just eating this stuff up.  The doctor who wrote this book incorporates both Chinese and Western methods with her patients, so it in no way dismisses Western medicine.  But what's so interesting is how different the approach to wellness is between the two.  Western medicine zeroes in on a problem and attacks that problem with a hammer.  TCM backs up and looks at the whole body...  as in, particular symptoms are the result of an imbalance somewhere.  So let's get the body back in balance and the symptoms will go away.  TCM is all about balance... Yin and Yang.  Like for me, I have a Kidney Yang deficiency (among other things).  You can have areas of excess or deficiency in your body, and TCM identifies those areas based on everyday symptoms (crazy stuff like the color of your tongue, or the temperature of your belly, or how sweaty your palms are).  And then a combination of herbs, diet changes, and methods such as acupuncture are used to correct those imbalances and restore the body to health.

 

It's seriously wicked cool and I *wish* it was more embraced over here as a true form of treatment - for whatever ails you.  There's so much proven response to it with fertility cases, but TCM can treat so much more.  Unfortunately, it's not cheap and most health insurance providers won't cover it.  Each acupuncture session I have is $90 and the herbs are more on top of that.  That's just not practical for most people, and that sucks.  Everything has its place, but I think Western medicine dismisses so many symptoms we all experience as "normal" without a second thought.  I was reading about our menstrual cycles, which was so eye-opening.  All these symptoms that many of us have before and during our periods that have always been labeled "normal?"  Cramping, bloating, breast tenderness, spotting... all that?  NOT normal according to TCM.  Doesn't mean there's something hugely wrong with you, but there is an imbalance somewhere.  Something's off.  And how long or short, heavy or light your cycle is says A LOT about what's going on with you.  Honestly, it makes you wonder how the hell anyone gets pregnant because so many things have to be in check for a successful pregnancy to take place and stay put.  It's amazing - only God, y'all.

 

So yeah, I'm obviously loving this whole new path we've taken.  We've been at it for over 3 weeks now and I already feel like a new person.  The diet changes have been tough, but really not so bad overall.  As long I can control my meals (i.e. pack my lunch, cook dinner, etc) it's really not that hard.  It's on days like today - where the office had lunch catered in - that it's difficult.  Deli sandwiches and salads... sounds easy right?  Not when you can't eat anything *cold* or any refined carbs.  So that leaves out any of the breads and the pasta salad...  none of the raw veggies on the sandwiches...  I ended up picking a chicken salad sandwich and eating it open-faced.  They did have a carrot salad but Lord knows it was full of sugar - oh well.  And I grabbed a honkin' huge pickle.  Ate only half of it because those suckers are loaded with sodium.  So I'm not feeling very full, but whatever.  I've got plenty of Moo Goo approved snacks here in my food drawer.

 

Diet issues aside, it's all worth it.  The herbs I'm on have me feeling great.  They are all in pill form, but I take 91 pills a day.  I seriously have a spreadsheet to keep up with it - it was very overwhelming at first, but now it's nothing.  I can't have any caffeine at all, but I truly don't need it.  Sure, I sometimes miss the taste and warmth of coffee first thing in the morning, but I certainly don't need the upper.  And almost immediately after starting the herbs, I noticed that 2pm slump went away.  Those slow afternoons at work where I was like, "Oh geez, I need a diet coke."  Not anymore.  And with taking 91 freaking pills a day, I by default down a ridiculous amount of water.  So I know that helps too.  All I drink now is water.  At room temperature.  I've learned to order "water no ice" whenever out.  I asked about hot teas at the doctor yesterday so I think I'll check some of those out.  I'm a big fan of hot tea, but just haven't gone there yet.  It's got to be decaf, so I'll need to do a little experimenting there.

 

Overall, I especially feel like my hope for a baby has gotten a big steroid boost.  Totally renewed.  The fact that we're doing something period makes a big difference, but I truly, truly believe in this method and what it can possibly do for us.  It's all about preparing your body for a child and taking care of yourself.  We of course don't know if this is our answer, but we certainly hold out great hope for it and are going to give it all we've got.  Even if we don't conceive naturally here, we can still incorporate all of this with IUI or IVF.  So there's really nothing to lose. 

 

And my greatest revelation so far?  Yesterday afternoon a friend forwarded me ultrasound photos.  The subject of her email read, "Thought I'd share." In the email, before I opened the attached photos, she said, "And can I ask how you guys are doing?"  So I kind of had an idea of what the pic was before I opened it.  I'll preface this with saying that my initial reaction to emails with pregnancy or baby news of any kind is usually a huge eye roll.  It feels like someone is running me over in a minivan with one of those obnoxious "Baby on Board" stickers.  And then backing up and doing it again.  Hate them, hate them, hate them.  Delete, delete, delete.  BUT, when I opened these pics I can honestly say I was genuinely excited for her and immediately showered her with congratulations.  It didn't hit me till a few minutes later how unusual that reaction was for me.  It's really impossible to communicate that difference with someone who's never struggled with infertility for years.  But it is huge.  What a sense of peace, really.  And this morning I just praised God for that moment - such a huge moment for me.  And prayed that it was not a one time thing, but a sign of a renewed attitude with all of this.  I know I gripe about my sorry attitude with fertiles sometimes - but you must know how much I hate that I feel that way.  So this little email was very enlightening for me personally... I hope it's something I'll continue to see happen.  I fully credit my Moo Goo plan.  I think it's opened me up some emotionally - like the other day I just burst out into tears and let all this stuff out with the hub.  Came out of nowhere!  It was like this huge release.  Maybe it's just an upswing for the time being, but I'll take it.  Time will tell. 

 

Alright, off to down some more herbs...

Hosed.

Summer is Belly's favorite time of year... cuz Dad breaks out the water hose and kiddie pool. She's our water baby, that's for sure. The other two? Not so much. Gertie will occasionally wade in the pool, but Charlie will get as far away from the water as possible - if he's not inside, he's usually on the deck with his nose pressed against the door.

Charlie is doing great, by the way! He finally had some beautiful *normal* dog poo this weekend after a long week of not-normal dog poo. He hasn't thrown up since late last week and he's been eating well. He's still very very slow eating, but he eventually gets it done. And he takes his pills like a champ - probably because we coat them in peanut butter. But yeah, big improvement over last week, so we are hopeful that this past episode was really just that - an episode that's about over. Still keeping a close watch on our buddy, but we're grateful he's wagging that tail again! Thanks for the prayers!

Change of Plans

Today was supposed to be a let's-hurry-up-and-get-out-of-town Friday, but it has turned into a lazy Friday at home with the dogs. We had planned to head up to Knoxville this morning to visit the hub's parents for the weekend and we were really looking forward to the little getaway... but poor Charlie has been sick again this week. After taking him to the vet yesterday and changing up his meds some, we decided it'd be best to stay home and keep a close eye on him.

He has been sick on and off all week and very iffy about his food. Again, his #1 favorite thing in the world is food. So if he's not eating, we know it's bad. Of course we're always thinking, "is this it?" whenever he gets sick because his cancer could return at any time. The vet thinks his issues this week though may be the result of some ulcers forming in his stomach because of the combo of meds he's been on the last couple of months. With his new meds, we should know in a couple of days if it's something that'll clear up or if it's indeed the cancer coming back with a vengeance.

Like we've said from the beginning, we just want to keep him happy and comfortable as long as possible. We've already had the tough talk about our "plan" for him once the time comes. Ugh, that's such a not-fun topic. I hate thinking about our home without our fuzzy boy. I'm praying this is just ulcers or whatever - something that will go away after a couple of days. We know we're on borrowed time with him, but oh let's please just stretch it out a little longer, Lord!

Well speaking of Charlie... I've got to run and give him his morning dose of pills! Boy needs his own pill box for crying out loud.

Hope y'all have a fabulous Friday! I'm off - weeeee!!! Just enjoying some time at home with the hub and our silly pups.

Wishful Shopping

I got something uber fun this morning - this fab Vera Bradley messenger bag off Rue La La!  Been waiting for the VB sale to use my credits on, so I snagged this as a possible baby bag for future.  Hey, trying to think positively here.  And I'm a big believer in having multiple baby bags.  No worries... I'm not going on a maternity clothing rampage again.  But this will be a lovely addition to my someday closet, don't you think?

 

Anyway, so Happy Friday!  I'm super excited for this nice long weekend ahead.  AND it's 3-day weekends all around for June and July!  Our office closes on Fridays in the summer... a nice treat for busting it during tax season.  Awesome treat, actually.  I hope you all have a great Memorial Day weekend!  No major plans for us - just a nice relaxing weekend.  Enjoy!

Progress.

So I'm doing really well on my Moo Goo diet.  If I were doing this to lose weight, I would've cheated like not even 24 hours into it.  I've never really done a "diet."  I'm just a pure calorie-counter if I'm paying attention.  No real restrictions.  But Moo Goo has me on some mad restrictions, that's for sure.  But honestly, it's not nearly as hard as I thought it all would be.  I do miss my coffee.  And it's not the caffeine I miss... it's just the act of drinking that warm cup of yummy goodness in the morning.  I have more energy now than I can remember having in a long time - not sure if it's the diet, the herbs, or both.  But either way, I'm not needing caffeine.  I don't get that 2pm slump that I used to get.  It's only been a week or so, but the change was that fast.  Wow. 

 

I do miss my dairy.  I'm a huge, HUGE cereal fan.  I would often eat a small bowl of cereal as dessert after dinner.  Cereal at night is the best... I got that from my grandfather.  That and keeping chocolates in the fridge (they're so much better cold - try it).  I'm still able to have some cereal, but I just eat it dry out of a cup.  Really miss my cheese and sour cream.  Like seriously... so many things that I love have those two things in them.  Whatever. 

 

I'm still trying to figure out the bread thing.  I'm not supposed to have wheat... or a lot of it anyway, so it sounds kinda like a gluten-free thing.  Brown rice is OK.  So I've been having a good bit of that.  Every time I go see Dr. Liu I have a list of specific foods to ask about.  I need to find out about tortillas.  All of life's goodness is wrapped in a tortilla, you know.  I should be able to eat them.

 

Oh and all I drink is water.  At room temperature.  Not that I eat out much, but I quickly learned to ask for "water no ice" when I do.  I'm so Euro.  I would think some decaf teas are OK...sans sugar... (oh yeah, low sugar too on this plan).  I'll add that to my list of questions.  No alchohol either, of course.

 

I feel really good though.  And not just physically, but also feeling really good about this plan of ours.  We're certainly not counting on anything, but we truly think the possibility exists for us to get pregnant naturally while doing this whole traditional Chinese med routine.  And that's why I think I'm doing so well with the diet.  While I miss certain foods and have cravings, I'm not at all tempted to cheat.  I do have my *one* little treat everyday - a single dark chocolate Ghirardelli square (a 2x2 slice of Heaven).  But other than that, I'm pretty hardcore. 

 

I think my attitude is getting better too.  That same pregnant chick was in my yoga class again on Monday and I wanted to punch her face less this time.  (Baby steps.)  It's still a day-to-day thing though.  On my mind constantly.  Which is so annoying.  The weird thing is, when it's just me at home or at work or whatever, I'm OK.  It's when I'm with other people that I feel isolated.  I know that makes no sense.  I had dinner with the beautiful Amy from Chapters last week and she brought this very point up - that it's other people that often make you feel alone.  Not that anyone intends to - of course not... it's just how it is.  Amy, by the way, is so genuine and I had such a great time eating and chatting with her about our journeys!  But anyway, that's how I'm kind of feeling about my small group girls right now...  the odd man out. 

 

Well for one thing, I haven't been to a meeting in like two forevers.  My tax season schedule caused me to miss a couple of them and then the last two were canceled altogether because not enough people were gonna show.  Lame.  We only meet every other week in the first place, so a couple of missed meetings turns into a long dry spell.  But as I was missing some of the meetings, I still was in the throws of the constant email exchanges.  One meeting I missed involved a *surprise* baby shower for one of the girls.  My work schedule was rather convenient that day, thanks.  And then another girl announced her pregnancy this past week via mass email.  (Oh, remind me to go on a tangent about mass emails later - you'll love it.)  Swelling bellies aside, I've always kind of felt like an outsider in this group.  There are 11 girls and I am the only one who is not a mom.  So there are constant talks of "play dates" and "family" outings as a group. Vomit.  I don't want to leave the group, but I just feel like this weirdo that no one understands.  I mean, 90% of the small talk revolves around what their kids are doing, to which I obviously have nothing to contribute.  I'm like, "hey, my dog ate his own shit the other day!" Not quite the same.  I have this huge INFERTILE stamp across my forehead.  I don't understand or fit into their world.  So I sometimes feel a little worthless being there... which I know is not true.  I have a purpose there, I just haven't found it yet.  They are all very sweet and caring girls.  I think they just don't know me yet that well - part of that's my fault.  So I'm praying about that.

 

OK insert tangent on mass emails revolving around babies....  I got into this discussion with bestest the other day via email.  She was like, "when you get pregnant and are about to give birth, PLEASE keep me in the loop every step of the way."  Not her exact words, but yeah.  I said, "No problem, bestest. I already have this worked out."  You see, when you spend years trying to get pregnant, you have a lot of down time to plan out your entire pregnancy and first few years as a mother.  I'm like a greyhound drooling behind the gate, ready to burst.  So here's my "communication" plan for labor...  It's really simple: Twitter.  We'll send out emails to some, but probably will just do an update on Facebook to say something like, "Hey, we're approaching our due date and if you want to follow along with what's happening when, follow us on twitter and sign up for text message alerts.  We will not be making lots of calls or sending out mass emails, so this is the best way to keep up, if you're interested." 

 

This plan is awesome for three reasons...  (1) It's super easy on us.  I tweet anyway, so no added stress on my part.  (2) I refuse to do the mass "Baby so-and-so has arrived!!!" email.  I get these all the time.  I understand why people do them.  But for me, opening one of those is like a punch in the gut.  And (3), I'm not so crazy or narcissistic to believe that everyone out there even cares to know every detail of my child's birth.  That's the best part - you have the choice to follow along if you want to.  Brilliant, right?

 

OK kids... I've got to throw on my sexy yoga pants and head out of here!  xoxo

An Unexpected Thank You

Aren't Fridays the best? Shoot, even in tax season when I have to work weekends, I still love me a Friday! Even a rainy one. Had my 2nd acupuncture session today and it went well. I was a little flustered leaving the office for my appointment - we had a fire drill right before I had to leave. OK not a drill, fire alarm. So the whole building was evacuated and we all had to stand outside for like 30 minutes. Which left me a whole 10 minutes to scarf down my Moo Goo lunch and head out the door. Which means I forgot things like, my list of foods I meant to ask Dr. Liu about... but I managed to remember a few! Instant grits: OK, Oatmeal: OK, Decaf coffee? "You don't need that, no good. Drink hot water." Boo on that.

Anyway, so I just got home a few minutes ago to find a card from kuntry bride in the mail. Haven't mentioned her in a while, but she's one of my best friends whom I love to pieces. And my heart just melted when I opened this unexpected thank-you note...

[Betty],

I want to thank you and [the hub] for inviting us to [Buckhead] church with y'all and as a result helping us find Southside [Church]. We have been in search of a church for some time now but have struggled to find a church home. We feel at home at Southside. Andy's sermons are so uplifting. We especially love how he relates to everyday life. His advice and guidance is amazing and unbelievable. You are an inspiration to me and I just want to thank you for helping me reignite my relationship with God. Please pray for us on our journey to grow in Christ. You continue to be in our prayers!

Much love,
[kuntry bride]

Wowsers. Talk about a Friday afternoon tear jerker! Didn't see this one coming... you just never know when people are watching and you're really affecting their lives. I'm not posting this letter to say "yay, I'm so awesome" (well...), but it's such a great reminder that God is always using us - sometimes when we don't even know it. I'm so thankful that we are a part of a church that is so AWESOME and irresistible that it makes it incredibly easy to invite people to join us on any random Sunday.

Hope you all have fabu weekends! We've got some fun plans with friends, but also have some down time to relax and tackle laundry (which is oddly relaxing to me - for the most part). Catch you on the other side...

Moo Goo Gai Pan

It's been an interesting week here full of all things new...  I went to see Dr. Liu on Monday to try out acupuncture.  This has been a part of our plan for a while, and we were gearing up to do our last IUI attempt in the next month, so I wanted to go ahead and get started.  My OB/GYN has been pushing me to do it, and I've been reading up on acupuncture and fertility.  My friend, Jill, recommended The Infertility Cure and I've been eating it up on my Kindle.  So I already had an idea of what to expect going in... 

 

The acupuncture session itself was pretty simple.  There were needles in my head, my wrists, my knees, and my feet.  And apparently I'm very "weak" right now.  Which makes some sense... I mean coming out of tax season where I haven't been working out AT ALL and probably not eating the best either - that'll do it.  Dr. Liu explained that my body just isn't ready for IUI yet.  She works with infertility patients a lot and is familiar with my RE and understands my issues.  My biggest *thing* is my thin lining.  I was told I have poor circulation right now, and creating a good environment for baby is all about bloodflow.  But she kept saying that my big issue is implantation and not actually "getting" pregnant.  The fact that I had that one chemical pregnancy last year proves that I can conceive.  So she really believes that with several cycles doing acupuncture, herbs, and making diet changes, that we could possibly get knocked up naturally!  That was amazing to hear...  I mean I don't have any other big hormone imbalances that acupuncture can't help, so it's certainly worth a try, right? 

 

It's not a cheap process...  she wants to see me twice a week and sometimes more frequently during certain parts of my cycle.  With the herbs, I'm thinking it will cost around $1,000 to $1,250 a month.  One IUI cycle costs around $1,500+ a month, and after that we're looking at IVF which is of course much, much more.  So we are thinking this is a good plan - not to mention so much less invasive then all the hormones and junk you're put on when going through IUI or IVF.  How amazing would it be if we could achieve pregnancy without all that mess? 

 

Monday was a bit overwhelming though... just a lot information to process.  I went ahead and started on my herbs, which are really just a bunch of weird looking pills.  Some are smelly.  Dr. Liu has me on a very restricted diet too... and trying to figure out what the hell I could eat was making my head hurt.  The biggest challenge is no dairy.  I love me some dairy... oh goodness.  And Monday night I finally got myself back into yoga class... only to find this effin' cute little pregnant girl in there with her friggin' cute little maternity yoga outfit.  Ugh.  My excitement turned into why-the-hell-do-I-have-to-do-all-this-shit-to-get-that?!  Make that maybe get that.  I bet she got knocked up by accident.  That bitch.  (These are the thoughts running through my head while holding my Warrior II.)  My head was pounding by the time I got home and I couldn't think of anything that we had in our pantry that I was "allowed" to eat.  So I just went to bed.  Pathetic.

 

But now, I'm doing much better.  I feel good and I'm doing well with the herbs.  I miss my morning coffee (no caffeine allowed), but I'm managing.  I went to Wally World last night and loaded up on lots of veggies and fruits.  There's plenty that I can eat, it just requires some planning.  Jill has helped me lots since she was on a similar diet with Dr. Liu when she went through IVF last year.  So I'm doing OK with it all... it's just a weird and sudden change.  But hey, let's go for it!  The hub is being super supportive... I don't talk enough about how awesome he is with all of this.  He insisted on coming to my initial appointment with me and offered to do the diet with me too.  But who am I to deny anyone his coffee?  Or CHEESE?  Hello.

 

It's an adventure, that's for sure.  So anyway, after hearing what Dr. Liu had to say, we're now planning to see how things go with just acupuncture/herbs/diet for 3-6 months.  IUI is on hold for now in case we get the job done ourselves.  This is a new path we didn't really see coming, so it's exciting to think about.  I'll keep you guys updated!

5 Guardrails for Married People

Yay for Friday! It's been kind of a weird week here dog-wise. Three mornings this week began with cleaning up dog vomit. You know how moms' ears are attuned to hear baby cries? Mine are attuned to dogs up-chucking. I'm a pretty deep sleeper, but that'll wake me up in a second. Gertie started it off - Tuesday, I think. She was sick all day - constantly throwing up and couldn't keep anything down. We were terrified that she swallowed something bad and had a blockage. This girl's known to eat underwear, socks, wash rags, stuff out of the trash... She is a total scavenger and VERY sneaky. We keep doors closed to our closets, bathrooms, and the laundry room so she doesn't have access to any of these *tasty* treats, but once in a while she manages to get a hold of something. Laundry day is always a challenge with her. But luckily, she got better after 24 hours and is now back to her normal self.

Well on Wednesday, Charlie decided to start urping. Which of course sends us into a panic because we're especially sensitive to any change in him these days. And his whole sickness/surgery/cancer thing a couple of months ago all started with vomiting. Suddenly it looked like it all was coming back with a vengeance. He continued to vomit all day and again the next morning. We found ourselves in bed Thursday morning discussing our plans for when we'd ultimately have to put him down... just laying in bed with him crying. We were hanging on to hope that this was just a random tummy ache but couldn't help thinking "is this it?" Well, praise God, we haven't seen Charlie up-chuck since mid-morning yesterday (Thursday). And he started eating some again yesterday and has been much more of himself. So it's been over 24 hours... we're a little afraid to celebrate just yet, but he appears to be getting over whatever it was. Hang in there, buddy! Meanwhile, our oldest (Belly) is thinking, "what the hell is wrong with you dogs? Get it together and stop smellin' up my bedroom!"

Yeah, so we're glad to start the weekend with three happy dogs. And in other news, we're in the middle of this awesome new sermon series by Andy Stanley at church called "Guardrails." (My dog-vomit intro doesn't really lead into that so well, but whatever.) We all know what guardrails are - those ugly metal beams alongside the highway that keep you from running off the road and into danger. Well the whole premise of this series is establishing "guardrails" in different areas of your life to keep you from heading into dangerous or forbidden territory (i.e. screwing up your life). It's about making the conscious decision to define behaviors for yourself to keep you out of trouble and protect the relationships you have. Andy talks about how we have to be intentional with setting these standards for ourselves because we're always tempted to live right on the edge of disaster. So we need to set boundaries for ourselves - guardrails far from that real "line" we never want to cross - so that we never find ourselves up against it.

The series focuses on various areas where we all need guardrails - friendships, finances, and marriage. But I found the marriage piece SO fascinating. I've always said to the hub that there are just "certain things you don't do when you're married." I've never really defined that, but you know... there are just things you don't do cuz you're married. I'm sure a lot of my friends would disagree. But OMG don't you just love it when someone *official* (like your pastor) confirms something you've been saying or feeling all this time?

So Andy specifically laid out 5 guardrails for married folks. He also did a list for singles which is awesome, but I'm just focusing on the married right now. These are not found in the Bible anywhere... these are nothing but "standard operating procedures" for protecting your marriage. Guardrails are important in all the major areas of our lives, but Andy noted that establishing them to protect your sexual purity, whether you're married or single, is the most important. Because you can overcome a financial disaster and completely recover, but very rarely do people fully recover from an affair. So don't deceive yourself into thinking "this can never happen to us!" Be proactive in protecting your marriage and establish these boundaries for yourself. By doing so, you're making a decision. By not doing so, you're making a decision. I think these are awesome and totally on point, but I'm curious to know what y'all think. Here are the 5 guardrails for married couples...

(1) Don't travel alone with members of the opposite sex.
Andy talked about how he went out of his way not to do this (i.e. carpooling to work) even when it seemed convenient.

(2) Don't eat alone with members of the opposite sex.
This one is huge - Andy especially stressed the importance of this one. Throughout all the years he counseled couples struggling with infidelity, he said ALL but one relationship/affair began here. "Oh let's grab a coffee... let's get lunch..." And yes, there are times when you'll find yourself in one of these situations unexpectedly. It's OK, you don't have to scream "NO!" and run out of the restaurant. Just take a minute to phone your spouse and tell them what's going on.

(3) Don't hire cute members of the opposite sex because you want to help them.
That one of course got a good laugh from the audience. You've seen too many movies not to know where this leads... Don't deceive yourself into thinking you're "helping" them. Get them help, but don't hire them.

(4) Don't confide in or counsel members of the opposite sex.
So true... doesn't take a genius to know that's dangerous ground.

(5) When you feel your heart or desire drifting toward a specific person, tell someone.
Whether it's a sister, a best friend, a small group member... tell someone. Someone who will hold you accountable.

I'm sure some of you think these might be a bit extreme... but what wouldn't you be willing to do (or not do) to protect your marriage? You certainly wouldn't *regret* adopting these guardrails. It's not as though having coffee with another man or woman is a sin... it's about drawing a line for yourself and choosing not to cross it. It's important to know your spouse's guardrails - so you can hold him or her accountable! And you also want to be comfortable with your spouse's guardrails. But ladies, think about it... if you knew your husband set these boundaries for himself, how awesome would that make you feel?

It's an incredible series overall, but I definitely encourage y'all to go check out this specific sermon that goes over the guardrails for marrieds and singles. Andy does a MUCH better job selling the idea than I do. Hop over here and click on the yellow square for "Guardrails." The 5/2/10 message, "Flee Baby Flee," is the one you want. You can also download a podcast version. Have a listen and let me know your thoughts!

And have a fabulous weekend, all! Later...

Grateful.

I hope you all had a wonderful Mother's Day!  It's a bitter sweet day for me... I always say that Mother's Day is to the infertiles what Valentine's Day is to the singles.  No matter what it is, it's always hard when everyone around you is celebrating something you can't have.  Honestly, the media is what makes it unbearable sometimes... the actual "day" isn't all that bad.  But anyway, we choose to make Mother's Day about celebrating our moms and focusing on making it special for them!  So that's what we did.  My mom and dad joined us for church Sunday morning and then later that afternoon we had them over to our house for shrimp kabobs.  Yum!  Here was our menu...

 

- Homemade red sangria

- Spring mix salad with goat cheese, roasted sunflower seeds, tomatoes and creamy balsamic dressing

- Shrimp and veggie kabobs over rice pilaf

- And a really fancy boxed brownie dessert!  Though, I have to say, I only like brownies out of the box.  Ghirardelli Dark Chocolate Supreme - I dare you to make anything better!  Not possible.

 

Our weekend was rather action-packed from start to finish, as they all have been lately... so I decided to stay home yesterday and put my domestic diva hat on.  I had a mountain of laundry to tackle and our closet was a mess.  So I got a lot of stuff done and feel MUCH better about starting the work week now.

 

Saturday we were running around and that afternoon we had a party to attend on a house boat.  It was a good time... for the first 2 hours.  But when the boat was still out past 11pm, I was wishing I could call in a helicopter.  I'm just NOT a late night person and I was so ready to get home.  Plus we had to be up early the next morning for church - not cool.

 

But here's how my weekend started off...  I left work a little early on Friday because it was a friggin' ghost town at the office.  My dad had caught this post on my blog and as I was pulling into my garage at home, I saw on my blackberry that he had sent this message.  I just sat in my car and cried...  so thankful and so blessed to have such amazing parents that are behind us all the way.  Infertility can be so lonely and incredibly isolating.  You often just get forgotten and the world continues to spin on without you.  Having the people that matter to you supporting you, and more importantly, saying so again and again - that's what keeps you going...
 

Sent: Fri, May 7, 2010

Subject: Like You Like Me

 

I read your blog this morning and it made me think about how much you and I are alike in so many ways.  Like you, I'm much better at using a keyboard than my mouth.  That's true for me both professionally and personally --- I even have a reputation for it at work.  I also have a comfort level with letting [Mom] handle most of the communication with you and [the hub] on my behalf.  I feel guilty that I don't talk with you more, but tend to hold back because [Mom] chats/emails with you all of the time.  If we're both coming at you from different directions, I feel like it might be too much.  I don't know if that's right or not, but it's just where my head is.  I value my privacy and know you do too.  So, I leave it to you to straighten me out if that's not the case.  I'm just sensitive to the idea that you and [the hub] have your own life to live, and don't want us to be a burden or dominating in any way.

 

What I'm really trying to say is that I love you and you mean the world to me.  I feel it and think it all the time, but just don't say it --- so as Gran would often tell me when I bugged him about something, "I need to work on that".  I'm sure you probably know but if you don't, [Mom] and I talk a lot about the challenge you and [the hub] have with making babies.  So, I need to say and you need to know that I desperately want to help you both get there in any way I can --- just as much as [Mom] does.  There are no boundaries we wouldn't cross to help make it happen.  We are both behind you one-thousand percent.  You and [the hub] just need to decide on the path and let us know how we can help get you there.

 

I'm sitting here with my door closed and tears in my eyes, so I better move on before somebody comes barging in.

You have a wonderful new year ahead of you, so keep your spirits high with a smile on your face and in your heart, because I know good things are coming your way.

 

With all my love,

Dad

Our Yard is Famous!

Oh I'm sure the hub's chest is puffed out a bit... his baby is on TV and in movie theatres across the nation! (The yard, that is.) It's right around the 1:29 mark. Blink and you'll miss it! Trailer for Killers opening June 4th...